| 00:00 - 00:05 | I have a great story to tell. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | So here I am in New Hampshire with my son's soccer team. |
| 00:07 - 00:10 | We are at the Budweiser Clydesdale Stables. |
| 00:11 - 00:16 | One of the moms say they are all boy horses and I go "Karen how can you tell they are boy horses?" |
| 00:17 - 00:21 | Now I'm looking... |
| 00:21 - 00:24 | at their penises... |
| 00:29 - 00:31 | huge horse penises... |
| 00:31 - 00:34 | These things are like massive! |
| 00:38 - 00:40 | Huge.. |
| 00:41 - 00:47 | Like the biggest I've ever seen, like a baby's forearm |
| 00:47 - 00:50 | and she looks at me with the stupidest face |
| 00:50 - 00:56 | and then says to me with this straight look in her eyes... |
| 00:58 - 00:59 | "They all have boy names..." |
| 00:59 - 01:01 | My wife is mortified! |
| 01:04 - 01:06 | I look freaking stupid! |
| 01:06 - 01:08 | I didn't even see... |
| 01:13 - 01:14 | ...the.. |
| 01:14 - 01:16 | ...horses's name tags! |
| 01:16 - 01:20 | They all had boys names! |
| 01:21 - 01:27 | Every single one of them! Like Charles and William! |
| 01:35 - 01:36 | Now.. |
| 01:36 - 01:39 | ...I have to go back.. |
| 01:41 - 01:44 | and coach these kids. |
| 01:44 - 01:47 | We have a tournament to win. |
| 01:47 - 01:49 | I have lineups to set. |
| 01:50 - 01:53 | All I keep thinking about... |
| 01:54 - 01:56 | ...are those... |
| 01:56 - 01:58 | ...huge... |
| 01:58 - 02:02 | Budweiser Clydesdale Horse penises. |
| 02:05 - 02:07 | I'm the coach... |
| 02:10 - 02:11 | ..of.. |
| 02:11 - 02:13 | ....a kids... |
| 02:15 - 02:17 | soccer team. |
| 02:17 - 02:20 | These parents trust me |
| 02:21 - 02:28 | to look after their kids and teach them soccer. |
| 02:29 - 02:30 | Is your wife embarrassed? |
| 02:30 - 02:32 | Incredibly! |
| 02:36 - 02:39 | So embarrassed. |
| 02:40 - 02:42 | She wouldn't stop talking about it. |
| 02:50 - 02:55 | I mean I can read you know? |
| 02:56 - 02:58 | Yes I know. |
| 02:58 - 03:04 | But the size of these things how could you not stare and assume that is what she was talking about. |
| 03:04 - 03:09 | I definitely looked stupid and |
| 03:09 - 03:11 | totally was my fault but |
| 03:16 - 03:20 | those things were massive! |
| 03:23 - 03:26 | Gigantic! |
| 03:31 - 03:36 | So yeah I am pretty much an idiot! |
