| 00:00 - 00:03 | The new tour dates have dropped |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | After Oregon, they go to the Gorge |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Then they hit California |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Before heading to Arkansas to play |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | ...at the WalMart AMP |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | What about Kansas City? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Chicago? St Louis? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My dude... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Not this tour |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The next stop is in Alabama... |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Then on to Georgia |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | If you weren't at Chaiffetz when Phish played Gloria, get out |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | A fucking WalMart in Arkansas!? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Are you fucking kidding me? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Are they trying to set a record for the most Chompers at a show? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Why would the do this to us? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | This is some fucked up MAGA shit |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Everyone in Arkansas is married to their cousin |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | They don't know the difference between a heady jam |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | and their goddamn pig sooie |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | My dude, there are kind wooks there |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Bullshit, everyone there fucks pigs |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My dude, Phish has never played in Arkansas |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | You think I care about these bumpkins? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | They don't deserve it |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | These custies don't even wear fucking shoes |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | And you know these assholes |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | are going to call their garbage hogs during the show |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | It's going to be jukebox Phish. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | They'll open with Chalkdust....A few microjams if we're lucky |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And for the encore we're all getting Zero'd |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I need some goddamn civilization on tour |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I like pour-over coffee |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I need juicy IPAs. I like my hazy brews |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I like legal weed stores |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | if I wanted to see Phish |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | in the mud with a bunch of savages |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I'd build a time machine back to Coventry |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And you know they'll pander to the locals |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I can already hear the Chompers wooing when Trey sings |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | "My old Jerry was an Arkansas mule" |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's ok, Timber could go deep |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | We've always been there for them. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Riverport...Starlight Amphitheater |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Sandstone. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Alpine Valley |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I was at the Kiel Center in 1997 when John Popper |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | played Mr Mustard at the Letter M show |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Book me a room at the Embassy Suites |
