Hitler Reacts to Takeover News

11,963 views • 8/26/2019


Hitler reacts to news of a north-east footballing takeover...


00:00 - 00:03We now know that it is an American consortium,
00:04 - 00:05looking to buy an English football club.
00:05 - 00:07They were seen at the stadium on Saturday.
00:08 - 00:12Reportedly, they have a combined fortune of $70billion,
00:12 - 00:15and now we are just waiting for confirmation of the takeover.
00:17 - 00:19Excellent. Ashley's gone, and we're minted.
00:19 - 00:21We'll be signing Messi, Mbappe and Ronaldo in no time.
00:24 - 00:26Mein Fuhrer...
00:27 - 00:28They're not buying the Toon.
00:31 - 00:33They're buying Sunderland instead.
00:34 - 00:36The Mackems are going to be spending more cash than Elton John spends on flowers.
00:53 - 00:58Anybody in here who shouted at Ashley's shops, leave the room now.
01:13 - 01:15They're buying fucking SUNDERLAND?
01:15 - 01:17Why the fuck would they buy THEM?!
01:18 - 01:23I bet it was that fucking Netflix programme!
01:25 - 01:28"We saw you cry." we taunted. Well, someone fucking saw
01:29 - 01:31them, didn't they? A bunch of fucking billionaires!
01:31 - 01:34We could fall into a barrel of tits and come out
01:34 - 01:37sucking our fucking thumbs, the bastard luck we have!
01:37 - 01:40They win the lottery, and we're still stuck with that fat Cockney wanker!
01:40 - 01:42This takeover could spur Ashley into spending...
01:46 - 01:48Mein Fuhrer, he spent £30 million on Joelinton...
01:48 - 01:52And put him in a team managed by Steve fucking Bruce.
01:53 - 01:54A man who looks like Mrs Doubtfire after hormone therapy.
01:56 - 01:57We were all getting excited just a few weeks ago.
01:57 - 02:00Wanking ourselves off at the thought of the Arabs taking over.
02:00 - 02:03But why the fuck did we think that would come off?
02:04 - 02:08The Arabs love RACING horses, not fucking PUNCHING them.
02:08 - 02:13And those daft bastards that held a funeral for the club,
02:14 - 02:16they just made us look like a bunch of fucking clowns!
02:17 - 02:21And don't even get me started on the bedsheets!
02:27 - 02:29They couldn't even spell fucking 'boycott' right.
02:30 - 02:34Is it any wonder that investors avoid us like MENSA avoid Joey Essex?
02:34 - 02:36"We should be challenging for Europe." they say,
02:41 - 02:42We couldn't even challenge Anneka.
02:43 - 02:47They had two fucking relegations in a row!
02:48 - 02:53A mountain of debt! They were about to go under!
02:54 - 02:56I almost pulled my cock off when they lost the playoffs.
02:56 - 02:59And the thought of them having another year of playing Fleetwood
03:00 - 03:02and Accrington Stanley gave me a fucking stiffy.
03:04 - 03:07Don't worry. At least we still have Jack Colback.
03:14 - 03:16We should've seen this coming.
03:19 - 03:23The minute Rafa fucked off to China, we should have known we were fucked.
03:25 - 03:26And who are we left with?
03:31 - 03:33A prick who flogs cheap tennis racquets.
03:40 - 03:46We need new blood. New ideas. A sharp mind to take us forward.
03:46 - 03:49Someone who knows the club inside out and commands respect.
03:53 - 03:56Get me Joe Kinnear on the phone.