| 00:00 - 00:03 | We have news from the organisers of SMACC |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | The conference is looking bloody amazing |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Although here Sydney is labelled Berlin |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | There will be SimWars, SonoGames and PK SMACC-talks |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Great speakers like Weingart, Carley, Lex, Finfer, and Myburgh |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Any news of my SimWars team entry? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | I can't wait to give Minh Le Cong a whooping |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Boss |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | They... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | They have not chosen your SimWars team to compete at SMACC |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They prefer the Fabulous Females of FOAM |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who follows Michelle Johnston on Twitter, get out now |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the hell are these SMACC heads thinking? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I've already bought my Cat Woman outfit! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I've been practicing intubating upside down with a spoon |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | It's that Roger Harris - he thinks he's the Austin Powers of critical care... |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | And that goddam Oli Flower sounds like a pansy |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Hell, I got more inches than Scott Weingart and Cliff Reid put together |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And Casey Parker... He's got a ginger beard! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Cadogan's not even a proper Aussie - he's Welsh! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Boss, you got the CPR ratios wrong in your SimWars video |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | If I want to do compressions:breaths in a 6:9 ratio I bloody well will! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Boss, I think the smoke enema was a step too far |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I followed the UCEM Resuscitation Guidelines to the letter! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I gave 5000mg of propofol as part of the RSI |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I started with the ABCs: Arrive, Blame, Crticise |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | and finished with D and E: declared dead and exited |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I made sure the medical registrar answered the telephone |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | And when things went wrong I let the orderly run the show |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I even sought help at the right time, by curling up in a ball and screaming "Help! Mummy, help!" |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | So, I accidentally intubated the patient's rectum.. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | It could happen to anyone - even Minh Le Cong! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | The patient was going to die anyway |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | He'd caught venereal disease from a Silverback gorilla |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | What can you do in a scenario like that! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | This is a load of bollocks! |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I'd even started growing a goatee so I'd win the Weingart look-a-like contest! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I was going to take up base jumping like a real ER doc |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | What if Simon Carley's Team GB wins the SMACCWars now.. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | They can't even tell a Funnelweb from a Taipan |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | and probably use an electric blanket post-ROSC |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's OK Rob Orman, you weren't even invited to SMACC |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I spent so much time working on my graded assertiveness |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | even Jon Gatwood said I was making progress |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | and now its gone to waste |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I can see them now |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Weingart and Cliff Reid |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Looking all self-important on the SimWars judges panel |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | giving the trophy to the Fabulous Females of FOAM |
