| 00:00 - 00:03 | 68000 students have been working on their NEA. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | worth 20% of the Computing GCSE. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Firstly, all ICT courses were eliminated |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | and then we consulted widely with professionals from Industry and universities. |
| 00:12 - 00:16 | We also asked the Royal Society, the British Computer Society and Computing At School for their views. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | You consulted many experts |
| 00:19 - 00:23 | and devised a truly brilliant way to assess students. Let's have a beer to celebrate. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrur ..... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | OFQUAL .... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | OFQUAL have just cancelled all the NEAs. |
| 00:34 - 00:37 | They suspect 68000 students have been cheating. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who thought the NEA was a bad idea from the start should leave the room immediately. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Why did I listen to you? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | My dog Blondi could have told you this would never work! |
| 01:18 - 01:24 | Did you really expect 68000 teenagers to not discuss the tasks and answers on the Interweb for six months? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | They have been cheating since September. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Why am I only hearing about this now? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I asked you to find a way to assess students' practical abilities. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And the teachers come up with the NEA. What happened to common sense? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | You can tell them from me there's no index-linked payrise this year. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | We did not ask the teachers about the NEA. |
| 01:43 - 01:46 | Why not? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Fuhrur, teachers only know about teaching. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | And vampires only know about blood. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Maybe we should just have gotten all the vampires |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | to marry all the teachers ... |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | and given the students a blood test. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | At least most have them would have had a chance reaching their Aspirational Target. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | This is going to drag the rolling averages down. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | The parents must think I couldn't run a drinking session in a brewery. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Lord save me from university lecturers and industry experts. |
| 02:17 - 02:24 | And I will cancel the gym membership of anyone who mentions the Royal Society, British Computer Society or Computing At School again. |
| 02:26 - 02:29 | And why has no one has mentioned the Exam Boards? |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Edexcel have already restarted the NEA once already |
| 02:34 - 02:39 | because someone ticked the 'Make task public' box instead of the 'Make task secret' box on the computer. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | My mother, God bless her |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | will be turning in her grave. She wanted me |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | to join the Post Office you know, and even |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | got Uncle Klaus to get me an interview. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I knew I should listened to her. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I could have been a Postal Submaster by now. I could have been someone. |
| 03:04 - 03:08 | Don't worry. Students can still do the ECDL until September 2019. |
