| 00:00 - 00:03 | Mr Cameron, I have some terrible news |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Lord Ashcroft has told people about your pig story |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | And the tabloids have already started publishing stories. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | There is not much we can do; |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Its all over the internet. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | We'll just deny it. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | They can't prove it happened. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr Cameron |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Apparently... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Apparently they have photo evidence. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | And Lord Ashcroft knows who has it. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who made a meme about this on twitter, leave the room. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | This is a disaster |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Everyone thinks I stuck my junk in a pig |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | This is complete character assassination |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | How do I explain this to my wife? My kids? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I'm going to kill Ashcroft |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | And then stick my nuts in his decapitated head |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Then we'll see if he wants to spread shit about me. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Fuck, this is just like Black Mirror |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mr Cameron, the Twitter memes are spreading like wildfire |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Charlie Brooker can shove his pig jokes up his arse |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mr Cameron, at least Louise Mensch is trying to defend you |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Louise Mensch doesn't know fuck about twitter |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | She'll just make it worse |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | What am I supposed to do? |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Everyone's going to vote labour |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Corbyn's a vegetarian for fuck's sake, |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | How do I top that now? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | They're going to have to replace me with goddamned Boris Johnson |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And even I think he's a bellend |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | And George Osbourne is even worse. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Does anyone here have a suggestion? |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | How do I deal with this, |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I can't use 'national security' to get out of this one. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Maybe I should resign |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Or maybe just fucking kill myself. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I was just a kid for gods sake |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Who hasn't abused dead pigs at uni? |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | We can't all be bicycle riding protest attending goody two shoes |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Like that Jeremy Corbyn |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's ok, I made a twitter meme too. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Is this how it ends |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I always thought that pig would come back to haunt me |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | And now it has its revenge |
| 03:32 - 03:37 | Snoutrage will soon be trending |
| 03:41 - 03:46 | At least there are some decent puns coming out of this |
| 03:47 - 03:52 | "David Hameron" |
| 03:53 - 03:58 | "Porkward" |
