| 00:00 - 00:03 | Sir, it has come to our attention |
| 00:03 - 00:07 | that some of the final years are complaining |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | that the PACES were unfair on the people who took them |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | on the Tuesday and Wednesday, in Chelsea and Westminster Hospital. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Well, that's stupid. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | We always change the stations to make it fair on the earlier candidates. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Professor... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Actually, |
| 00:31 - 00:36 | Actually we repeated every station except one. It was easier that way. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everybody who wasn't directly involved with PACES, leave the room |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the fuck do you mean, you only changed one station?! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | How the fuck is that fair? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | That means that all the Thursday students can practice them word-for-word at home! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | How the hell are we going to explain that? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Now all the Tuesday candidates are going to end up in Wales! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | And the Wednesday ones, they're probably fucked too! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Could you morons not come up with any more original scenarios? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | I can shit out better PACES stations than you write! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Professor, to make them fair they all have to be similar - |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Similar, not identical, you fucking idiot! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Professor, the GMC dictates that all candidates must get - |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | The GMC can kiss my hairy arse! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | They're all bureaucratic cretins! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | All they want is 300 graduate clones. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Robot F1s, like fucking prescription drones! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | They don't understand that we've |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | got to explain why everyone who had their PACES on the early days |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | have absolutely fucked up their chances to get good FPAS scores. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | They're going to kill us on on SOLE! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | It's not like all the candidates on Thursday were fucking Einstein! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | What can I possibly do to fix this shitstorm? |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Why am I asking you fuckwits? |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | You couldn't organise a vaginal exam in a fucking brothel! |
| 02:41 - 02:47 | I couldn't trust you to pull a bottle out of a tramp's arse! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Even if I gave you a map, a torch and a jar of Vaseline! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | You probably can't even find your own arses with a mirror. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Even though you over there, you're a fucking colorectal surgeon! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | You'd probably cut yourself and slip over in your own pool of blood! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't cry; your brother had his PACES on Thursday. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | They're never going to give us good student satisfaction scores now. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | We already gave them stethoscopes and iPads. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | What else do they want? |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | It's all pointless, fuck it. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Let's give them all helicopters. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | We've got more money than sense anyway. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Then we can just move to Singapore like we planned. |
