| 00:00 - 00:03 | The ferries to Nantucket are all sold out |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | All of them: |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Steamship, Hyline, even the slow ferries. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Figawi has become so overrun with peasantom |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | that the boats filled up months ago. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | We will fly... |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Like civilized people. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein fuhrer, |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The flights... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The flights are also sold out.. |
| 00:34 - 00:37 | Cape Air, Nantucket, even NetJets. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who waits in line at the Chicken Box, get the fuck out. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the hell is wrong with you people? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Figawi is the biggest weekend of our years |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | and you wait until NOW to plan logistics? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | The time to plan for this shit was last Fall |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | When we're ahead of the tourists |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Now we have no reservations for American Seasons, |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | haven't jumped EITHER island cars |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | and STILL have to order linens for the garden party. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein fuhrer, Maria Christina can do linens. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | She is not even on Island yet you fucking moron! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein fuhrer, I was not aware of that. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | She always travels with Mau, |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | do you even have a servant? |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | What's next? |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | We don't get a spot at Nobadeer? |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | We have to wait in line at Straight Wharf like garbage? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | We are not commoners |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | This is not Cape Fucking Cod |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | This is Nantucket Island. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I'm a member at the Yacht Club AND Anglers Club for Christ's sake. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Look at my Nantucket reds. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | You don't get fading like this on the Saturday slow ferry. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | This takes precise effort. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | This is pathetic. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | We're like day-trippers with Figawi 2013 t-shirts and flat brims. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | This is so embarassing, fucking amateur hour |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | and the whole island knows it. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I'll probably never be invited back to Kerry's 4th of July party. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I am a boat owner now god damnit! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay Anna, they will still have the Garden Party. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | This is an all-time low. |
| 03:19 - 03:24 | Worse than when we took a wrong turn on 4th of July '09 |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | That sucked. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Rocky is going to be pissed. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | But over my dead body will we fail to arouse every Lily clad coed on that island. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And if we keep the Rolling Rocks on ice... |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | We could all still get laid. |
