| 00:01 - 00:07 | Glorious news from our great leader, The Conqueror! Delivered to you now on HeirTV. |
| 00:08 - 00:13 | The war against...everyone...is going well! |
| 00:14 - 00:18 | In a master stroke, our leader has sent letters to each of the enemy commanders. |
| 00:19 - 00:20 | This shall be their final chance! |
| 00:21 - 00:23 | Only death for those who refuse our demands! |
| 00:24 - 00:30 | The commanders, Randyhoost, Verel, Franny and Sofin will no doubt sign our glorious leader's fair contracts. |
| 00:31 - 00:35 | One of our most valuable agents, Levelone Diplomate, personally delivered the demands. |
| 00:36 - 00:38 | A random citizen will be replacing him by lottery tomorrow. |
| 00:39 - 00:42 | In other news, volunteers are wanted to fuel teleporters. |
| 00:43 - 00:46 | All people over 35 must report immediately to their local corpse grinding centre. |
| 00:46 - 00:49 | This has been the news as our great leader has dictated it. |
| 00:49 - 00:52 | Remember to stay indoors, and never question authorities. Good night! |
