| 00:00 - 00:03 | Mein Massive, a report from the front nine... |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | A group calling themselves the YPI |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Has taken General Vaitesy captive |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | There is a huge Scot known only as 'The Brave' |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Demanding he meets you for a doubles scratch match |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Scottish? He's SMT? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Just send him haggis and have him hanged |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Massive... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | They have been making Vaitesy... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | They've been making him play right handed |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | His best hole has been a snowman |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Dunt, Jazzy, Wobbly stay. Everyone else fuck off. Immediately. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Fucking right handed! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | He can't fucking swing left handed! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | His right hand is for his cock and for carrying my fucking bag! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Bring that Scottish hog and his little piglet |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | The one with the yips who looks like Churchill |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | To Wimbledon fucking Park |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Doubles better ball. Early tee off. 6am. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Clean my fucking clubs! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Don't you need re-fitting Mein Massive? |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | l'll fit your head on my fucking mantel piece! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Please, I am worried about your putting |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | My putting is god-like you stupid prick |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I want them fucked! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | No sausages in the hut |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | A pound of charlie for the hog |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | And vodka for the little fat one |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Make the greens so quick it's like |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Taking fucking Poland again! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I'll fucking carry that weight again! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | My power is massive you little pricks! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | They are fat but their |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Skill is a little bit impressive... I accept... |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | But it won't fucking end like this! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Watching Vaitesy airmail the green |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Dropping his bombs in the fucking sea! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Every single fucking time he's in a bunker |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Hacking away |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | He makes me want to fucking shoot myself |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Slide the fucking club through the sand you prick! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | He is improving in the sand |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Tell them whoever wins... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Gets to keep Scotland |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | And can wipe their arse with it |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | San Miguel Twats... |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I'll need a new partner when this goes tits up |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Ian Dunt probably |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Or fucking Wobbly |
