| 00:00 - 00:03 | The lockdown is continuing as planned |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Cases are falling |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | The R rate is decreasing |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Across the country |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | In England, Scotland, Wales |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Great. A few months more and |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | we'll reach zero covid |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir. |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | There's... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | There's a working vaccine |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | People don't care about zero covid anymore |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone out. Except for Sridhar, Mitchie, Scally and Edmunds |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | WHAT IN THE HELL |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | WHY WON'T THEY LOCKDOWN? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | 9 MORE MONTHS AND WE'D HAVE ZERO COVID |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | But no, they want in person schooling |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | And shops and FUCKING CINEMAS |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | And to socialise with other humans |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | To go out DRINKING AND SHAGGING |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Don't they realise we ERADICATED SMALLPOX?? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, eradicating smallpox took 21 years |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Fine FUCKING POLIO THEN! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir... that's not been eradicated either |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Sod off with your excuses! Why can't they put their lives on hold? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | CLOSE THE BORDERS INDEFINITELY |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | It's like they're not just existing |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | solely for the purpose of reaching Zero Covid |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | instead they think if there are no deaths |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | they don't need to stay locked up in their houses |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | That we can just vaccinate the vulnerable and move on |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CAUSE |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | THEY DON'T WANT TO BE NEW ZEALAND |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | We tried scaring them with variants |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | We told them that mutant Covid was about |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | But no, they keep producing studies |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | saying the vaccines still work! |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | And THAT WE CAN REFORMULATE NEW VACCINES! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | AS THOUGH ITS THAT EASY. AND WE CAN LIVE WITH THIS |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And the goverments going along with this?! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Something about the economy & the mental health problems of lockdown |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Like they care about things other than COVID! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry Trish, you can still wear pantyliners in your facemask |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I don't know what to do |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I built a media career on this |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I was going to write a book |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I took a loan out for an extension |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | All us pundits will be irrelevant. They won't want us on Channel 4 |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Or the BBC. Probably not even on ITV |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I'll have to go back to normal work |
