| 00:00 - 00:03 | We can't find any Ferrari's left for sale in the UK |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | But we have found a few nearby |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | There's one here and one here |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | But you haven't got your Bounce Back Loan yet |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | So you can only afford a Fiat 500 from a dealer here |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | I went on Tides waiting list |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and applied for an HSBC Feeder account |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | you have |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | failed the credit check for an HSBC feeder account |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | and no banks are accepting new customers |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | leave the room if you have NOT got a Bounce Back Loan |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | how the FUCK have you three twats got a |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | bounce back loan and I havent had one yet |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I said I was a window cleaner with a turnover of £250k |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | I even tried to apply with Metro Bank |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | they approved me then declined me |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | saying they didnt have an appetite for my business |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | even Starling Bank declined me |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | I tweeted a complaint to the British Business Bank |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But Mein Fuhrer they did tweet you back |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | They tweeted me a fucking diversity video about Italian nuns |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Fuhrer it included a scone recipe |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I prefer fucking Eccles cakes everyone knows that |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Evil bastards |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I even tried with that new |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | lender in Manchester that Andy Burnham suggested but in |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | 2019 I got banned from the Pink Coconut club on Canal Street |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | due to a misunderstanding in a dark room |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | with 4 rent boys a bloke off coronation street and a goat |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | so low and fucking behold they turned me down too |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Barclays won't call me back Conister ignore my emails |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | even Lloyds said no |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I even bought Anne Bodens new book and told her it made me cry |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | she took me off her waiting list |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Mr Bounce Back |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I asked him to help and he did offer some advice |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | He said ask my MP for help, so I phoned Diane Abbott |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | she phoned NatWest up on my behalf |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | She got the numbers mixed up so I only got offered 50p |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | what the fuck can I buy with 50p |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | I know, she got you 25p |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Why did Rishi say it would be easy |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | fill in a simple form he said |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | he lied |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | no Ferrari for me |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | If no banks open up to new customers I will have to go with the Fiat 500 |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | and drive around looking like a twat |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Thanks Rishi |
