| 00:00 - 00:03 | The CDC just announced another uptick in cases. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Schools and universities in most States ... |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | ... remain closed until further notice. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Most are actively working on programs of remote education ... |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | ... and have asked teachers and students to stay off school premises. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | I will schedule an interview with Sean ... |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | ... and tell them to open up. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuehrer ... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | ... this uptick ... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | This uptick has been confirmed by our hospitals. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | It seems like the virus is real. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone leaves but: Fauci, Hopkins, Reviewers 2 and 3. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I said IT'S A HOAX! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | A liberal hoax TO BEAT ME! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Who are you to question this VERY STABLE GENIUS!? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | My own people now believe these lies ... |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | We all know it's China! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Wuhan flu created to undermine me! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Schumer and Pelosi! Makin' deals with China ... |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | ... to beat this VERY STABLE GENUIS! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Fuehrer, I myself have seen papers... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | What paper? Toilet paper? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Fuehrer, the R naught is at 3.2 ... |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Stop using this liberal PROPAGANDA... |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | It's all FAKE NEWS! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | You think you're smart, huh? |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Because you read ***sCieNtiFic pApErs*** |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Just to talk like a liberal and believe their hoax. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | These working papers aren't even peer-reviewed! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | They don't even let this VERY STABLE GENIUS call out their mistakes! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I hired an armada of reviewers ... |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | ... to point out every unclustered standard error, every mistake! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I even called up the academe ... |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | ... my journals and my professors ... |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | ... to tell them not to publish this trash! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Traitors ... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Since my first day in Office, I have been betrayed! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | First the libs and their fake news ... |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | ... now my own people ... |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | ... who think they are smarter than this VERY STABLE GENIUS. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I will fire you all like I used to! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Please, Gerda, you can still submit to PlosONE ... |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I told you it's a hoax ... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I will call Vladimir and discuss what we do. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Or we will lose the election ... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | ... and give this Office to Sloppy Joe. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | But if you believe, I will let that happen ... |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | ... then you haven't been paying attention. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | There will be no election ... |
