| 00:00 - 00:03 | David Moyes has invented a new formation |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | The press have been silenced |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | We have a new portacabin on order |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Klopp has agreed to throw the game in exchange for a dildo |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Our scout has been dispatched to watch Southend reserves |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Everything is going to plan |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Hammers United will now cancel the protest |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr Sullivan |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The fans |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The fans are planning an even bigger protest now |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They're fucking fuming |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Jack, Dave & Goldie stay here . . . everyone else fuck off |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | That fucking Bubbles cunt |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | That fucking Bubbles cunt |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Why doesn't he stick that fucking flag up his arse? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Brady said she had this covered |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I'm knocking £500,000 off her wages |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | You cunts told me they only had 10 followers |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I was just about to go to the Turkish baths with Jim & Moose |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | and now I'll have to threaten the press again ffs |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Maybe we can bribe them with popcorn? |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | last time they were throwing buckets of the shit at the directors box |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Shall I link us with Neymar again dad? |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Even Sean Whetstone won't post our bollocks anymore |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | They're all cunts |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | These fuckers would have been |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | bankrupt without us. And now they're so far stuck up |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | their own arse they think the deserve a training ground. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I got them a cracking little rug for the stadium |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | and look where it got me, I could have used that material for a new coat & hat. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Why oh why do keep calling me a Hobbit? |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Boleyn, Nathans, Kens & statues . . . . oh shut the fuck up |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Even Richard Keys has piped up again |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | The fucking hairy gorilla cunt |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | He's never forgiven me for sacking Allardyce |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Why does this keep happening? |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I'm sure the Brummies have infiltrated these Cockney cunts |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | All I wanted was a cheeky £500m and a knighthood |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | They can't even see the money I'm saving |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I can do the job of head scout, director of football and agent. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I could even do Brady's fucking job |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry Kazza. Lord Sugar thinks you're triffic |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Fuck it. Dispatch Tripp Smith. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Hopefully someone will buy these Claret & Blue cunts |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | We might get £450m |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | 'London' on the badge was a masterstroke |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | We've got a couple of winnable games coming up so that should help. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | At least that Klopp cunt can't have scouted Ajeti |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Recall Nathan Holland please |
