| 00:00 - 00:03 | Fellow MVP voters, the time has come to mark your ballots.. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We'll cast our votes, and put them in little envelopes |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | We will then make our way to Bristol with the papers |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We will deliver them to ESPN headquarters, |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | From where the announcement will be made |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | And James Harden will win convincingly, of course. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | That much is obvious. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Erm, my Fubar.. |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | We, umm.. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | We are casting our votes for Giannis |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | The narrative has already been written |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Those who have no votes, bring me some crepes, and find some body bags |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | That's what I've been saying! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | You angry east-coast writers are insane! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | He scores 60, how many times? Do you even watch the games? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Oh, he travels! Oh, he flops! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I'll be damned if he does! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | All you have to do is look closely at the video! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | He gets knocked to the floor and gets no calls! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | He leaves a trail of broken ankles and un-assisted threes! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But Sir, there was a video of him playing no defense! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | That was five years ago! Five years ago! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, Giannis plays the right way! Both ends! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | You haven't even tried to watch Harden play defense this year! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Top two in steals! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Best low-post defender in the league |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Second best team defense since the break |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | What in the hell have you been watching?? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I will execute the next one of you.. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Who claims Harden plays no defense! It's ridiculous! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | He has made history! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | So get out of here with your Giannis talk! Eastern Conference weaklings! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | He even started the season with Carmelo |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Like running a race wearing concrete shoes! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | What an obstacle to overcome! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | From 10-14, almost last place |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Melo, Criss, MCW.. saboteurs! It's a miracle the team survived! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | And where are they now? Climbed all the way up to 2nd place behind the Worriers. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And the Bucks play Chicago, New York.. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | A team of crippled nuns could win the East! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | So get your priorities straight! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, LeBron will win it next year |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Best player on the best team..? |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | You people can't even make up your minds, it seems. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Westbrook. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Westbrook, you idiots. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | You already robbed Harden once, because Westbrook had a 'historic season' |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And now you change the rules, yet again. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Hang your heads in shame |
