| 00:00 - 00:03 | Leaving Germany in the early hours of the morning |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | we will arrive in Calais for our lunch time ferry |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | aiming to arrive at Alton Towers resort in the early evening. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Our waterpark and golf tickets have been booked |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | alongside our fast tracks for The Smiler and Wicker Man for both days. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | And don't forget out Enchanted Village treehouse reservation |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | I'm looking forward to using the hot tub |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer.... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | our accommodation.... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | we'll be staying in the new Stargazing Pods. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | The treehouses were fully booked. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Any one who has reservations in ATH, Splash Landings or the Lodges, get out. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | THOSE PODS LOOK BLOODY SHIT. |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | PEOPLE ONLINE ARE CALLING IT A PIG FARM |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Some people are even comparing it to Birkenau |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | You have to trek across a muddy field in the middle of the night |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | just for a bloody shit! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | You can't even see through the fucking roof so how are you meant to star gaze? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Put £1 in a telescope for 30 seconds?! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Fuhrer we have paid the £10 extra for the tow... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | YOU CAN GET TOWELS FOR FREE EVEN IN AN IBIS BUDGET |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Fuhrer, they'll look fine once they're finished |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | They're a fucking shambles |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | BUDGET ACCOMODATION |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | They call it the budget offering yet charge through the roof |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | They can't even fill the current accommodation, never mind this festering cess pit. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | The rush to 1000 rooms and this is the garbage they resort to? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | What are you supposed to do if you're over 6 ft tall and try sleeping in that cramped double bed at the back? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Not to mention waking the two in the singles up when you need to stumble out in the middle of the night for a shit |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I bet they even charge for the loo roll! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Budget accommodation my arse! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Even Rugeley Travelodge is a better option than this |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Remember the Weathervane? That used to be great |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Even the bar was open late |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Not even |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Not even a bog standard room in Splash |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | It's a bloody good job they don't have room for those oversized bears like they do in the Arctic Explorer rooms |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | I'd rip their heads off otherwise |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Same with those god awful teddies in the Moon Voyager rooms |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I'd rip their stuffing out and use their fur as as a toilet brush |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, the hotel teddies have already been shat on by kids anyway |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | We should have booked Drayton Manor instead |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | at least they're removing garbage rather than investing in it |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Stargazing my arse |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | We cannot tell Roland of our betrayal |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | We'll be banned from all resort accomodation at EP forever |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | They won't let us back knowing we've stayed in those overpriced shoe boxes |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I'll hang myself from Treetop Quest |
