| 00:00 - 00:03 | The breakfast bar has run out of bacon |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Its possible that |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | there is some here |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | but Jared is hoarding it... |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | He says he wants 5.7 Billion for it |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | He's a scallywag isn't he? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | He's under a bit of pressure is all |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | But your Immenseness..... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Ann Coulter.... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Ann Coulter says that Jared is the president now |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | and Mike Pence and mother do too... |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | I'm going to need some adderall, a straw, a change of pants and my blancy |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | This is all bloody mexico's fault...if they |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | had just paid for the fecking wall |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | we could be having military parades and giving me awards |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | now we have to declare another state of emergency.... |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Its that bastard Bannon's fault.. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | him and that swinging turd Manafort |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | He chose Pence because he had the hots for mother |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Mother! Its no wonder Pence is in the closet |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | She has his balls in her handbag |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I knew that she'd be trouble |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | always ranting about the rapture |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | bloody rupture more like... |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Get me that adderall now! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | and hurry up with those pants |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | I'm oozing here...bloody oozing! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | those hamburders go right through me |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | and where the hell is Ivanka? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | out getting more sodding chinese patents no doubt |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | She stole money from my wallet |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | just as soon as she could walk.... |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Special Genes.... |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Such Special Genes |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | and the personality of a robot |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | and don't get me started on... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Fecking Don Jr. and his moron brother Eric |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | They don't have a brain cell between them |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Put Fox and Friends on.... |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | They will tell me what to do.. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | but for god sake don't tell Rudy any of this |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Its okay Meliana has made off with the inauguration money |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Its hard being a stable genius |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | people just don't understand |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | facts are hard to remember |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | the trick is to just lie your arse off |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | you never knew I was lying did you? |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I'm just that fecking good! |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | God I love being me..... |
