| 00:00 - 00:03 | Your children's party was a great success last night |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | they had friends come from everywhere |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Charleston, Montgomery, even Berlin |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | They got all fucked up but at least |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | nobody fell down the elevator shaft. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | That's good news. Now I'll finish making |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | my Huevos Rancheros. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Sir... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The little bastards ate all your |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | ingredients last night |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who is not related to me leave the room |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the hell were they thinking? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I spent the entire afternoon shopping |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | for eggs, sausage, peppers, and onions |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | I slaved all night so we could have a nice breakfast |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | And this is what I get? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I want you to get to the bottom of this... |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Whoever ate my Huevos Rancheros |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | is going to pay with heartburn and explosive diarrhea |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, they're just college kids home for the holidays... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | They're monsters! Ice box raiders with no respect for a father's love |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, they were drunk and hungry |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | They are sneaky little bastards who took food out of my children's mouths. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | We will find out who they are... |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | They are out of control |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | They come to the house and flush trees down the toilet |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | They frighten Lola and tease Brutus |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | They rifle through glove compartments |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I woke up at 3 a.m. last night and found a fresh, stinking dump in my bed. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And believe me, it wasn't Lola's. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | It was too big. I swear it was as big as Stalin's mustache |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | We need better surveillance cameras |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | barbed wired and watch towers |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I want Bob Thurman here 24 hours a day... |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | ...He'll protect us |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | The next kid who opens my refrigerator without written permission |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | will have Thurman and an army of Thurmans to deal with |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | and if that doesn't work I'll get Lisa to move in here. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | They get a taste of her temper they'll wish they'd never been born. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | She'll show them what the wrath of God looks like! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay Maddie. We'll blame the turd on Gilbert. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | It's all so disheartening |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | All that work, opening that can of tomatoes |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | with a hammer... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | My God, what a mess! |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Maybe I should have gone with the cheese Stratta. I make a dynamite cheese Stratta. Everyone loves it. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Even Gil and he hates everything. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Never again. |
