Pitch Gone Wrong
3 views8/5/2026
Product team discussed a recent pitch at a customer, and it did not go as planned.
0 Comments
Be the first to leave a comment.
▸Show captions (49)
| 00:00 - 00:03 | How did the pitch go? |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We said Snowflake can't do telemetry. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | And they believed us? |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | One engineer started Googling. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Googling what. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Snowflake VARIANT data type. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Did they find anything. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | ...Yes. |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | What about Genie? |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | They found the 30-table limit. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | In our own docs. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who called telemetry "non-numerical" — stay. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | THEY HAVE NATIVE JSON AND WE SAID THEY DON'T?! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | VARIANT has existed since 2014— |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | WE SAID TELEMETRY IS NON-NUMERICAL |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | GPS is floats. Speed is floats. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Snowflake has 60 native geo functions. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | They asked how many tables Genie supports. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Thirty. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | They have MILLIONS of data points. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, VARIANT has existed since 2014— |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I KNOW WHEN IT LAUNCHED, STEFAN |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | They also found the community post. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Which one. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | 3,000 JSON files. Two hours. |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | That was a misconfiguration! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | At least we have the DevOps angle. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Mosaic just needs some setup! It's fine! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | What about our ETL pipeline story? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | They showed us Cortex Code. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | It wrote, tested, and deployed a pipeline. Live. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | They demo'd Cortex Code live. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | They demo'd Cortex Code live. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | SQL, pipeline, GPS. All at once. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Autonomously. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Go OPTIMIZE your files, Stefan. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | WE HAD ONE JOB |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | GPS IS LITERALLY JUST FLOATS |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | VARIANT HAS BEEN FREE SINCE 2014 |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | THIRTY TABLES. THIRTY. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | THEY OPEN SOURCED THE SMALL FILE PROBLEM |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | MOSAIC IS FINE. MOSAIC IS GREAT. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Tell Reid Lewis he won. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | He had a PDF. A branded PDF. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | We had a slide deck. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Pull our Nissan slides. Delete the non-numerical claim. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | You have all failed |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | You have all failed |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Next quarter we lead with the lakehouse. |