Hitler reacts to low office attendance
13 views10/12/2025
Return to office, don't work from home. Remote work is fraud.
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| 00:00 - 00:03 | We've received the office attendance reports. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | All our locations mandated a... |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | 10 day per month office attendance policy. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | The locations report average of 8 days per month per employee. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Which is a 70% increase from last quarter. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Send out a memo: |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | "The 10 days in office are not negotiable." |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr. Vice President... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | We already... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | We already tied office attendance to yearly bonuses. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Hitting 10 days is challenging. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Those who didn't upvote my collaboration enhancement article on LinkedIn, leave. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Which number is higher? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Is 8 more than 10? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Why do you think we're paying 80 million per year for office space? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | To work from home? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | This is unacceptable. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Is this how we boost productivity? |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | They're doing laundry at home pretending to work... |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | ...sitting on calls with one hand in their cargo pants! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mr. VP, we're still hitting all KPIs and... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Office attendance is a critical KPI for collaboration! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mr. VP, there was a flu outbreak. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | We made it clear sickness or vacation is not an excuse! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | So why not 10? |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | We all know that... |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | people build better relationships in person... |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | ...than if they stay at home pretending to work. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | How can I truly reach my people if they can't see my town hall in person? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Whenever I fly in, the office looks half-empty! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And that's despite me... |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | ...explicitly asking for people to come in that week! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | It's all those damn millenials... |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | "Look at me! My personal life is important!" |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | "Work-life balance hurr durr" |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Ingrates... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | We offer a great package and they can't comply with a simple request. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | No wonder we're in for a tough financial year. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Employees can't be bothered to come to work?! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Not even with their bonuses on line?! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Put the worst offenders on PIPs! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Relax, they're hiring next door. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | We'll have to restart hiring. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Pay extra attention to candidates' stance on remote work. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | You know the answer. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Telecommuting is fraud. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Let me be very clear. We're not in the COVID era anymore. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Either you're at work or you're not. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I expect you to fix this. |