| 00:00 - 00:03 | Ok, it seems we still |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | have dead patches |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | of grass over here, here, |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | and of course, in the front for the alderman to see. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Looks like a shitty park district golf course. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Quit wasting my time |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and get to the damn point. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Judas..... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The scores are out. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | It looks like you shit the bed again |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | You didn't even crack the top 10. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anybody who ever scored over a 70 get the fuck outta the room. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the fuck?! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I got smoked by a bunch of, well, |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | young guys who dont know the difference between mixed gas and regular. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Stupid weed killer. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I had no time to study |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | between my cigars and all the yardwork... |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | One of those guys plays in a band named |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | after something found in the table of elements. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | You had plenty of time to study. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Fuck that. Between Aldi and 1600 block of Plum St... |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | You only run .8 calls per day. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I consider myself a Captain's worst nightmare! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I am a legend around here. |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | These young fisty clowns |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | will never make it to legend status. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Tonight, I'm going to pound some white claws |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | and send a string of texts like I do every two years. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I had bondo dust in my eyes and couldn't see the test questions. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I should've just kept my medic license! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Everyone knows it was ME that got one of the chiefs a week off... |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | This place needs my life experience. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Just like my heroes, my clothes smell like a stale cigar. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Now, these new guys vape fruity flavors. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Fuck this promotional process. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Didn't the assessors recognize me from my appearance on Pimp my Ride? |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Even Nevin Koble got more views on You Tube than all my 4AM reruns. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Some bullshit is that?! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I can't wait to get drunk and text everyone |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | that is ahead of me on the list!! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, he does this every time. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Just add my name |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | to all the legends who couldn't get out of 10's... |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | With 22 years |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I deserve at least, |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | one more shot to work at the show. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Now someone get me a Bud light, |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | and hide it in a koozie. |
