00:00 - 00:03 | Director Holmoe, I've watched all the game tape. |
00:04 - 00:05 | It's not the scheme. |
00:05 - 00:07 | Note the down linemen here and here |
00:08 - 00:12 | We simply lack the talent to execute the scheme |
00:12 - 00:15 | and the strength to bull rush and pressure the QB. |
00:17 - 00:19 | But isn't it our coordinator's |
00:19 - 00:21 | job to recruit and coach that talent? |
00:24 - 00:26 | My director. . . . |
00:27 - 00:28 | Tuiaki . . . |
00:31 - 00:33 | Tuiaki is the finest coach we have. |
00:34 - 00:36 | It's not Tuiaki's fault. |
00:53 - 00:58 | I want to see Sitake, Lamb, Roderick, Fesi, and Cosmo. |
01:13 - 01:15 | Tuiaki is the finest coach we have?! |
01:15 - 01:17 | I mean, what in the f*tching f*tch?! |
01:18 - 01:23 | We got our cougar tails handed to us by a bunch of literal flamers! |
01:25 - 01:28 | Liberty?! Do they even know how ironic their name is?! |
01:29 - 01:31 | They outscored us 38-0! |
01:31 - 01:34 | Their 4th string QB blitzkrieged us all game long!! |
01:34 - 01:37 | We folded quicker than the French at Compiègne! |
01:37 - 01:40 | And it's. NOT. TUIAKI'S. FAULT!!! |
01:40 - 01:42 | Director, I was calling the plays . . . |
01:42 - 01:46 | And that's supposed to make me feel BETTER is it?! |
01:46 - 01:48 | Director, I am not detecting your love and learning! |
01:48 - 01:52 | Don't get me started on that smarmy, preschool slogan! |
01:53 - 01:54 | We've loved enough! |
01:56 - 01:57 | Allowing touchdowns isn't loving. |
01:57 - 02:00 | It's the very definition of losing! |
02:00 - 02:03 | [BREATHES] I feel like I'm back at Cal Berkeley!!! |
02:04 - 02:08 | But at least there I could get second-hand high! |
02:08 - 02:13 | It took me years just to get caffeine sold at LES |
02:14 - 02:16 | which only means I'm even more awake for this cr*p!!! |
02:17 - 02:21 | You want to know what my costume is this year? Do you?! |
02:27 - 02:29 | It's a lovely little number, |
02:30 - 02:34 | one I spent months dreaming and planning for. |
02:34 - 02:36 | It's Bruno, from Disney's Encanto |
02:41 - 02:42 | Yes, that Bruno. |
02:43 - 02:47 | Do you know how long these take to make?! How hard it is to be topical?! |
02:48 - 02:53 | And every time you lose like this, you make me look so fl*pping infantile!! |
02:54 - 02:56 | Terminate Bronco, they said. |
02:56 - 02:59 | We couldn't do any worse, they said. |
03:00 - 03:02 | We hired a washed up dancer and his cousins! |
03:04 - 03:07 | It's OK Anna, he's a really good dancer. |
03:14 - 03:16 | Can I even do a costume this year? |
03:19 - 03:23 | This isn't fun anymore, is it guys? |
03:25 - 03:26 | It feels like work. |
03:31 - 03:33 | The scheme isn't the problem. |
03:40 - 03:46 | It's not even the players or the coaches. That's right. |
03:46 - 03:49 | It's those d*rn cougarboarders. |
03:53 - 03:56 | I miss LaVell. |