WEBVTT

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Mein Fuhrer, I present you with the weather reports for the next Western Heights Open Weekend.

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They are not good.

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Heavy showers are expected here at the Drop Redoubt,

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North Entrance, the Grand Shaft,

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the Citadel and St. Martins Battery.

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So Dover Castle will remain sunny,

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and everything will be splendid there.

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Mein Fuhrer,

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I'm afraid

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English Heritage have booked the fine weather for the Castle.

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We anticipate lightning might strike the Grand Shaft.

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Everyone not on the planning committee leave the room.

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I have had enough.

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What the hell are you doing?

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Every year you do this! Why do you keep betraying me?

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Rain, bloody rain!

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And badgers. Wet badgers!

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They stink like hell!

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Why can't you get it right? It's rained every time for twenty years,

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English Heritage events always have wonderful weather!

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Mein Fuhrer, we don't have the finances....

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It's not a question of money. How do they do it?

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Mein Fuhrer, they must control it somehow.

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Do they have a Weather Gravitron Beam at the Keep?

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Or a shamen?

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Or seaweed or frogs to lick?

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Or a pact with Comrade Stalin?

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Why do we always suffer?

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Two years ago the moats flooded and the re-enactors nearly drowned.

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The public had to leave on life rafts…

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...those not wearing water wings.

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You could only enjoy it if you were the Man From Atlantis,

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and he doesn't exist.

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Parents were screaming and children were crying,

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The marshals thought they were...

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...extras in Titanic,

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which was a deeply shit film by the way.

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As we know it was a U-Boat disguised as an iceberg.

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Our kind volunteers work so hard

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to put a public event on

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and that lot at the Castle sabotage it. 

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Don't worry, don't cry. There is always next summer.

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Go ahead, book the re-enactors anyway.

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Perhaps ice-cream isn't so bad in the rain.

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And the hot dogs...

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...could have little cocktail stick umbrellas.

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The public are expecting an event,

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and we have a duty to please them.

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Lets rename it the Drip Redoubt.