WEBVTT 0 00:00.500 --> 00:03.250 Longstreet attacked our left yesterday. 1 00:04.000 --> 00:05.500 The Fifth Corps held. 2 00:05.650 --> 00:07.500 Rebs changed road signs. 3 00:08.000 --> 00:12.000 Sedgwick got confused and marched to Baltimore. 4 00:12.900 --> 00:15.500 He's still there. 5 00:17.500 --> 00:19.000 Hancock will hold. 6 00:19.000 --> 00:21.500 Sedgwick'll get there in time. 7 00:24.750 --> 00:26.500 Sir, Pickett has charged Hancock this afternoon. 8 00:27.500 --> 00:28.500 Hancock failed his morale check . 9 00:31.000 --> 00:33.500 The whole Second Corps is captured. 10 00:34.000 --> 00:36.000 Meade's headquarters was overrun, he was also captured. 11 00:53.000 --> 00:58.500 Everyone who disgraced himself at Chancellorsville, leave the room. 12 01:13.000 --> 01:15.000 How could this have happened? 13 01:15.250 --> 01:17.750 A West Point General rolling snake eyes? 14 01:18.750 --> 01:23.250 Any idiot can pass a fear of charge check with a fresh unit! 15 01:25.250 --> 01:28.000 That redheaded bimbo of a stenographer could have rolled a three! 16 01:29.250 --> 01:31.000 I had those general practicing die rolls ever day! 17 01:31.500 --> 01:34.000 Hooker's terrible rolls at Chancellorsville should have taught them something! 18 01:34.750 --> 01:37.750 I bet he's sitting in a bar right now rolling boxcars just to spite me. 19 01:37.500 --> 01:40.500 All I ask is that they roll their snakeyes when they're off duty! 20 01:40.500 --> 01:42.750 Sir, Hancock was using the loaded dice that you gave him! 21 01:42.750 --> 01:46.250 That makes it even worse, you idiot! 22 01:46.500 --> 01:48.790 Hancock couldn't help it that Pickett rolled all sixes for his charge distance! 23 01:48.790 --> 01:52.000 Couldn't help it? He was supposed roll boxcars himself! 24 01:53.000 --> 01:54.500 We're now the laughingstock of the whole world! 25 01:56.000 --> 01:57.750 A cockup like this is unbearable! 26 01:57.750 --> 02:00.500 What are the Richmond papers going to say to ridicule me? 27 02:00.500 --> 02:03.500 What is that fancy Englishman on Seminary Ridge going to publish in his journal? 28 02:04.500 --> 02:08.000 Tell the fleet to sail and bring back the cotton? 29 02:08.750 --> 02:13.500 This ruins all of my plans! 30 02:14.000 --> 02:16.750 We were destined to rule this whole continent for a thousand years! 31 02:17.500 --> 02:21.750 I've been through all this before with McClellan! 32 02:27.000 --> 02:29.000 He shatters them at Malvern Hill, 33 02:30.500 --> 02:34.000 then has a subpar routs and rallies phase and runs away to his gunboats 34 02:34.500 --> 02:36.500 where he sits down and screams for reinforcements! 35 02:41.000 --> 02:42.500 And lets Lee run loose. 36 02:43.000 --> 02:47.500 The Pinkertons tell us that when Lee is on the march, he never rolls disorder. 37 02:48.500 --> 02:53.000 How far is it from Gettysburg to here? 38 02:54.000 --> 02:56.000 The Sixth Corps is little help to us now! 39 02:56.500 --> 02:59.750 For all I know, Sedgwick will be boarding ships for New York! 40 03:00.000 --> 03:02.500 Lee will be marching down Pennsylvania Avenue with bands playing! 41 03:04.750 --> 03:07.500 Don't worry Helga, he won't make you leave in a rowboat. 42 03:14.250 --> 03:16.250 There must be a way out of this mess. 43 03:19.250 --> 03:23.250 Is there anyone in the world who can simply roll dice? 44 03:25.550 --> 03:26.750 Is there a Yahtzee world champion somewhere? 45 03:31.500 --> 03:33.750 Maybe the champion can be persuaded to try Johnny Reb. 46 03:40.750 --> 03:46.250 We can teach him Civil War tactics. 47 03:46.500 --> 03:49.000 One of the secretaries must have his cellphone number. 48 03:53.750 --> 03:56.000 Call him.