WEBVTT

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Mr. President, we are sending troops

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to Portland here & here.

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to stay in the donut district

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and by the cat cafe.

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It's much easier to get around than DC.

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We must be careful: parking

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downtown is a little pricey.

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Mr. President, Steiner...

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Steiner was caught in Portland at a four-way stop.

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All four drivers waved the other cars ahead

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and he has not been able to leave.

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Noem, Miller, and Hegseth stay. Everybody else out like Kristi's dog.

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We need the full force of the US military!

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Mask-wearing hippies are the

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most dangerous kind!

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>shniff<

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I know how things happen in Portland.

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I was there once!

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Everyone wore helmets at the community bike ride

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and not one of them had a steel spike on top!

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Mr. President, the population seems preoccupied with tiny house blogs and Subarus...

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It was fresh hop season but the bar

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... and pickling vegetables...

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It was fresh hop season but the bar

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at the food cart pod only had

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sour marionberry gose!

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At the airport I got side-eye

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from Caesar, the No Drama Llama!

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My friend said to meet at the ramen and fried chicken place

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but I was waiting down the block

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at the sushi and fried chicken place!

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My electric scooter said it could go 9 miles

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but I thought it said, "nein."

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Nein! Nein!

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It's very walk-able, I'll give it that.

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The sports bars show women's sports.

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And the women's soccer sells out before the men!

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The Unipiper would not play my request

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when I asked for Ride of the Valkyries

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even though he was wearing a Darth Vader mask.

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He wouldn't even get off his unicycle!

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The dream of the '90's must be alive there.

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My ice cream had turkey and stuffing in it

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even though I requested

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cheddar cheese and apple pie.

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and the cone cost $17 extra.

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There were hundreds of trains

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at the model train show but all the tiny doors

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could open from the inside.