WEBVTT

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Teams have scoured the city of Springfield, Ohio sir.

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As you requested...

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...we checked every neighbourhood in the city

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looking for evidence that Haitian immigrants

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are eating peoples pets.

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So what evidence

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have you brought to me this morning?

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My Fuhrer..

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I'm afraid...

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we cannot find any evidence this is happening.

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None whatsoever!

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Everybody leave. Except JD, Hannity, and Loomer

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WHEN I SAID TO GO TO SPRINGFIELD

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TO FIND EVIDENCE OF HAITIAN IMMIGRANTS

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EATING CATS AND DOGS AND PET BIRDS AND GOLDFISH...

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IT WAS AN ORDER

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NOT A REQUEST

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We're tied with the Democrats in the polls

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And Joe Biden is lying on a beautiful beach somewhere...

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while people are trying to KILL ME

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I should remind you that Joe Biden is not running against you now

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DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK? You PATHETIC WEAKLING!

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My Fuhrer...we have to focus on defeating Kamala Harris

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When I Was Running against Biden, I was leading in the polls

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Then some idiot told me to debate him

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that everything would turn up roses

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and we'd cruise to election victory

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And I was FOOLISH ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO THEM!

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Now LOOK AT ME...stuck in a windowless underground bunker

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falling in the polls, and AVOIDING ASSASINATION ATTEMPTS

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while Biden goes golfing without people trying to KILL HIM!

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Is it TOO much to ask in this country TO MAKE ME PRESIDENT

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so I can stay out of prison

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All I want is...a little respect

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and to RIP UP THE CONSTITUTION

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So I can punish my enemies

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NO MERCY FOR PEOPLE WHO MOCK ME, OR WANT TO THROW ME IN PRISON

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WE WILL SMOKE THEM OUT IN THEIR HIDING HOLES

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And then we will strip them naked

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and parade them through city streets and towns

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and then execute them in a public square

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I'm sure he doesn't mean it, and just going through one of his spells

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I have a concept of a plan

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to put this fire out...

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we'll just...

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keep saying it's true...

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that Haitian immigrants are indeed eating cats and dogs in this shithole town

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and if the media says we're lying

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we'll call them fake news