WEBVTT

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Gluten Free Pizzas airdropped here

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Fiji Water drone delivery here

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Hemp Keffiah's here

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Several students had a panic attack when one delivery contained Panko

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And sadly Whole Foods ran out of sugar-free ketchup

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liquid ketchup is too triggering

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we can just eat raw cherry tomatoes

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My Fuhrer...

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cherry tomatoes

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cherry tomatoes were invented by Zionists

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So were the peanut puffs you like

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whoever isn't an actual student here, leave the room. Tenured professors you can stay

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This is so totally LAME

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Is anything here not invented by Jews?

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First we couldn't drink Starbucks, then it was Coke, then McDonalds

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using our iPhones, Google Cloud,

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next they'll deliver Sabra Hummus

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and we'll have to eat it or we'll STARVE

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and who was it who brought in a crate of bananas?

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Don't you know we have people with deathly banana allergies?

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My Fuhrer, Qatar and Iran sent a full shipment of Epipens

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The epipens and Covid masks make us look like total snowflakes!

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My Fuhrer, you can't hurt my feelings in my safe space

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I'd say use your meditation app but it was coded in Tel Aviv

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Try interpretive dance!

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Students are breaking windows to protest... something.

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We're demanding the university divests from... well, we're not sure, but something!

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End colonialism, genocide, free Palestine... or ELSE!

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We have megaphones, catchy rhymes, hashtags, endless funds

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We've crafted every lie with precision! Why does the world not see the 'truth' we do?

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No credible institutions support our genocide claims

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If disinformation were an Olympic sport, we’d take silver—right behind Stalin

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Feelings over facts felt like a winning strategy

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We looked so badass in Keffiahs, I got 6 million likes on one post alone

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but I still can't get laid

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"Why?" you ask

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All the "girls" in the encampment identify as queer

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and they SMELL. No one in the encampment has showered for weeks.

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They prioritize Instagram aesthetics over basic cleanliness

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They believe deodorant is a tool of the patriarchy

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They claim showering contributes to water wastage and societal bloat.

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Don't worry, he liked your TikTok

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And to think, none of this freed Palestine

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The police dismantled our encampment with disheartening ease

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Took our brand new tents

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I feel so forlorn

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We fought for freedom and ended up in handcuffs. It's like bad Marxist poetry

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All pointless, crushed under the boot of the Zionist cop

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Let's go back to study hall