WEBVTT

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Enrolment figures are in for all campuses.

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Starting with North Sydney

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We are down here and at Strathfield

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We are growing in Blacktown

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But off a very low base

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What about the other states?

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Victoria, Queensland, ACT?

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Vice-Chancellor

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The Provost...

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The Provost says we're down at all of them

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We're losing numbers everywhere

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Everyone out except Weller, Ramsay, Casamento and Khan

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How can enrolments be down?

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Don't they know about Vision 2033?

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It is innovative, agile and collaborative

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I sent out an email calling it impactful

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Were all those redundancies for nothing?

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This is Dianoia all over again

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Next you'll tell me the budget is still in deficit

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Which is all Greg Craven's fault

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Vice-Chancellor, Greg left 3 years ago...

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Well it's certainly not my fault, you traitor

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Vice-Chancellor, they were your decisions

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You're the one who runs the place, Weller

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You've been here 11 years

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I really just wanted the Monash job

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When Gardner got the Governor job

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I applied to Monash but I wasn't even shortlisted

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They appointed some internal nobody instead

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Now I'm stuck at this crappy university, captaining a sinking ship

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Where no-one recognises my genius

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And everyone expects me to take responsibility

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I just want a quiet life

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Giving speeches and having photo ops with politicians

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Without all this budget stuff

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It's all your fault

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None of you are having your contracts renewed

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And, Weller, you can clear out your desk today

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You're all as bad as the bishops

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They've had it in for me since day one

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And that Dean of Law appointment...

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She got a payout, she'll be fine

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I'm starting to think I won't be here by 2033

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But at least I get paid $1 million a year

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I'll survive

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But all of you except Khan are sacked

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I'm lucky John Fahey's not still around

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Or George Pell, who wouldn't stand for all this

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I'd be out on my arse