WEBVTT

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Sorin College is in shambles.

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The Juniors started

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skipping tailgates

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and Santos has been the most irrelevant captain of all time.

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At least Duncan's Adderall supply stays strong.

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Have the acts been prepared

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for Talent Show? I need to see war crimes.

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Mein Diesel,

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Rectum Dan

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Rectum Dan has banned talent show.

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He has Foster by the balls.

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Everyone but the Quint out. Get the fuck out.

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Klimek what the FUCK are you still doing here?

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And where the fuck is Van?

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How the fuck did one smick manage to squad wipe the entire freshmen class?

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I know it's tough out there, but my God -- she looks like Tucker

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I think I'm gonna be sick.

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How the fuck are Tim and Duncan still unemployed?

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Duncan is on his 6th girlfriend here and Tim's dry spell continues everyday.

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At least Tim fights. Timmy hasn't even given it a shot.

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Sir, at least you look skinny. Your diet worked.

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I'm bulking again you fucking squid.

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I've heard Glip Glop is trying a new hair growth product.

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It's not fucking working. It looks like he has pubes glued to his head.

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Relli and Putka still haven't grown.

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The Sophomores never go out.

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When they do go to CJs, all they do is follow me around.

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They should stick to Cool Runnings if they're just going to play with their dicks.

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And who gave Hank the confidence to try and scam the freshmen?

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Thirty dollars for a wine bag? I didn't even realize he was still here.

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Big Country looks fucking terrible. No offense.

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Can someone please check in on him? Put the pen down and go to class.

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Fuck Dan.

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At least Frob was too oblivious to shut anything down.

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Sorin College used to stand for something.

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Honestly,

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How the fuck did Aldo make the finals of Bengal Bouts?

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That's the best athletic success this dorm has had since the the Gaelic Football Championship.

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What the fuck even is Gaelic football?

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Tress can't get through a speech without stuttering.

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"If you want to go home, go home?"

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Don't worry, you only look a bit like Tucker.

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We need to cherish Potter while we still have him.

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Conrad's mom is fucking beautiful. God I miss her.

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And her fat ass.

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Cade won't shut the fuck up.

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Our only hope is Secession Week. This dorm must be drunk for 7 days straight.

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This is our last chance to unite together for a common goal.

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Fuck you Silvio.