WEBVTT

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Herr Bauernfeind

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You will do sit ups and push ups

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And you will run this 1.5 mile route

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Someone will be watching and timing

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And of course they will measure your waist

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Someone will hand waive my test

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I will not be measured

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Herr Bauernfeind

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The Chief...

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The Chief of Staff has directed you take the full test

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You will be measured

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Unimportant people leave the room

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There is no tape big enough for my waist

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You must fix this!

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I will end you all!

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I can't do a push up with a gut like this!

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I can't do this as a fatass!

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If I do a sit up it will break the earth!

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This is impossible!

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How could this happen!

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I will hold your feet sir!

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It will take ten of you to hold my swollen feet!

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Sir the Chief has directed

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Fuck the Chief of Staff!!!

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I will not be measured!

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I have been protected my entire career!

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How can it end like this

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Does the Chief not know who I am?

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I am Cat 5 dammit!

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I've been bullet proof forever!

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I destroy people for doing the same things I do

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I crash CV-22's and get away with it!

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I treat Airmen like dirt and I am celebrated!

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I am too important to fail!

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I've been bullet proof forever!

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I will not be measured!

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I am the one who ruins careers!

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Not the other way around!

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Someone call Daddy Slife

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Daddy Slife will fix this

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You will see, he will save me again

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Don't worry, I will make him a sandwhich

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This just can't be

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Please Daddy Slife, save me

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Slife you must help me...sobbing

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Please!!!

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Now bring me a cheeseburger

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with Fries AND Onion Rings

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Yes, Herr Bauernfeind