So Fuhrer Kash, you need to pick an opponent to fight to the death
Evan and Anthony are poor choices due to their training background
and Rob, Arran and Guy are 'lovers not fighters',
I would advise against fighting anyone with a height or reach advantage,
but you need to make your choice as soon as possible to avoid looking like an abject coward
Easy - I'll fight Smithy.
He's never trained a day in his life
Smithy has been training in multiple combat arts
Ant and Evan have been teaching him in secret
Anyone who can beat me in a fight or has more money than me - leave NOW
You're fucking kidding me right??
I mean PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE JOKING!?
He's shorter than me, I have more money - what else do I need?
He's probably been training in something gay like Goju-Ryu Karate
or Krav Maga, like a god-damn JEW
I mean have you seen him?! He's tiny!
He can't hold pads, can't submit anyone,
he can't throw a kick, he can't even bob and weave!
Sorry m8, are you lookin' in the mirror?
But I earn £4,500 per month AFTER TAX! And I have a gun!
Kash, your gun is NOT a substitute for masculinity
Then why the FUCK did so I spend so much money on one then?!
I studied the blade!
I have no need to fight with my hands
like a goddamn fucking peasant fighting for a loaf of bread!
Dat straight up white boi shit, nah mean?
Evan will regret this. I'll let off Ant, but that has nothing to do with him being twice my size.
I mean I reckon I could take Ant but I don't want any harm to befall him
I feel like choosing Evan as my opponent to show him what I'm made of
...but I'm busy that day making sure the meat I eat is brutally slaughtered in as much pain as possible!
Then I'm getting a tailored suit made of my paychecks
Everyone will see who the REAL man is!
That is, as long as Max isn't in the same room...
This is bullshit...
All that time Smithy was doing pads I thought Ev and Ant were laughing at him!
Now who can I to take my professional impotence rage out on?
I get trodden on at work all day
Now when I come home I'll have to watch my mouth
because Smithy can break my FUCKING TEETH!
Hannah, don't cry or he'll lock you in your cupboard again
I guess I could fight Emma's boyfriend
He's a vegan and has the strength of an 80 year old woman.
I'll fight him...
Smithy is untouchable for now
Maybe I need to stop relying on my gun that's 30 minutes away at any given moment and start training.
I'll sign up to the Hot Yoga classes at the YMCA tomorrow
Start small, aim tall...