| 00:00 - 00:03 | We have scouted the north of England for a headquarters |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We have identified sites in Liverpool,Manchester and Barnsley. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | But they are all shitholes. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | However there is a suitable ready made location in Leeds, called Quarry Hill Flats. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Its next to the market and the Yorkshire Hussars pub |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Very good,its circular,easy to defend and has plenty of room for my troops. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | a short walk to get a tripe sarni from the market. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | George |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | George Formby is there. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | George has others with him |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Let me guess,Wisdom,Askey,Flanagan and Allen |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Why must Formby always thwart my plans! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | That ukulele playing moron from Lancashire |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Ill take that ukulele and smash it on the counter of the market pet stall. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | I want a tripe sarni from the market and to try fish and chips from the best chippy in Leeds |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | The one on George Street. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I want to buy pigs arseholes and meet characters selling bruised fruit and veg. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | But no,it cant be that simple can it.? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | All I ask for is Quarry Hill Flats and my generals are.... |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Fuhrer Formby has the most fearsome army of |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Music Hall entertainers,bleeding music hall entertainers |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Fuhrer Formby also has Diana Dors with him. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Oh that seals it! Bloody Queenie is in her castle! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Queenie and her sons wandering around the flats |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Wearing leather waistcoats and nothing underneath |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Then Askey terrorising all and sundrie |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Singing about a busy little bleeding bee |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Dont mention Wisdom,falling down all the time |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Ill make him fall down,in front of a firing squad! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Flanagan and Alan! Bastard Flanagan and Alan! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Ill hang them underneath the Dark Arches! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I like Tommy Trinder. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I respect Tommy,an all round entertainer with heart and talent. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | A worthy adversary. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | But no its Formby we face. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Well bollocks to him! He drinks in the Woodpecker! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Bomb the Woodpecker,blow it from the face of the earth!!! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Send the whole Luftwaffe if necessary! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | See what he does without a pint of Tetleys or Melbourne! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | He will have to drink John Smiths in the Lloyds Arms |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Drinking John Smiths is worse than fighting on the Eastern Front. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I want to meet Woodbine Lizzie. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | She cant be all that bad |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Poor woman,all she wants is a cig. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Is it too much for her to ask? |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I want to go in the Kirkstall Abbey Tunnel,built by the monks to hide treasure. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And the rough surface car park opposite the market. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | A gem of a visitor attraction,but itll never be. |
