| 00:00 - 00:03 | We are receiving reports of a 25000ms timeout |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Looks to be latency related |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Between Azure and the data centers |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | It's been raised to the Support team and they are investigating |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | We haven't observed it on PROD, but we have seen it many times on QA |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | I need to know one thing |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | What does the latest status update say? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My leader... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | it has... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | It has changed from "African Marigold" to "Christmas Mandarin" |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Just whilst the investigation proceeds |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | All project managers remain in the room. Everyone else get the fuck out of my sight. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Christmas fucking Mandarin! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I was expecting Persian Blue! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Not Christmas fucking Mandarin! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | We'll have to update the plan-on-a-page |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Christmas Mandarin isn't even in the palette |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | You tell me you've checked the firewalls |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | But HOW have you checked the firewalls ? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Have you checked all inbound and outbound rules ? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Don't know, but you can copy paste firewall rules. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | It sounds like you don't have the right people working on this |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My leader... our best people worked last weekend |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Your best people don't even know what Persian Blue looks like |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | People ask me, "Why blue?" |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | "Blue doesn't work in a RAG report" |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | "Technically that makes it a BRAG report" |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | But Persian Blue is my favourite colour |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | So absolutely fucking everything must be Persian Blue |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | The status must be blue, the UI must be blue, the world must be blue |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Even my fucking budgies must be blue |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | So don't be telling me the status is Christmas fucking Mandarin |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Surely you must have overlooked something |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | The servers don't make multiple calls. They make a single call that returns XML. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | If only it returned JSON, it'd be so much faster |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I need the Design Authority |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | The Design Authority would make it Persian Blue |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | And that's despite them all operating to completely different agendas |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And don't get me started on the other projects |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Where the fuck are the plans? |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I've been asking for plans and all I have are pissing work breakdown structures |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's OK. We'll get someone else to engage with the category. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I think we all need to face up to reality here |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | If the status isn't Persian Blue, then I don't want it. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Cancel the program |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | It's all over |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | You all need to go the JobCentre Plus in the morning. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Tell them the Fuhrer sent you |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | See you there |
