| 00:00 - 00:05 | So AQA came up to me the other day, and asked me if I'm a biologist |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | And I was like "yeah I'm a biologist" |
| 00:07 - 00:10 | So they said, "can you write our B1 paper?" |
| 00:11 - 00:16 | So I said "of course I can"... but here's the thing... |
| 00:17 - 00:21 | I'm a business studies teacher... |
| 00:21 - 00:24 | They fell for it! |
| 00:29 - 00:31 | They fell for it... |
| 00:31 - 00:34 | ...and I filled their biology paper with business studies questions! |
| 00:38 - 00:40 | Independent business! |
| 00:41 - 00:47 | Independent business? I mean... what the fuck is an independent business? |
| 00:47 - 00:50 | That's not even a thing! |
| 00:50 - 00:56 | I literally made it up on the spot! |
| 00:58 - 00:59 | It's not even... |
| 00:59 - 01:01 | It's not even on the fucking spec! |
| 01:04 - 01:06 | And rats! Drunk rats! |
| 01:06 - 01:08 | I asked them about pissed up rats! |
| 01:13 - 01:14 | And 15 year olds! |
| 01:14 - 01:16 | Drunk 15 year olds! |
| 01:16 - 01:20 | I asked them about 15 year olds pissed on alcopops! |
| 01:21 - 01:27 | And the horse feet! They looked... they looked like fucking schlongs! |
| 01:35 - 01:36 | I took a picture of my cock... |
| 01:36 - 01:39 | ...and I fucking photoshopped it onto a horse fossil! |
| 01:41 - 01:44 | But seriously, I decided to be nice to them |
| 01:44 - 01:47 | So I gave them a 6 marker on a healthy diet |
| 01:47 - 01:49 | That's easy enough right? |
| 01:50 - 01:53 | It was still the only fucking biology on there! |
| 01:54 - 01:56 | Auxins? |
| 01:56 - 01:58 | Who gives a shit about auxins? |
| 01:58 - 02:02 | The spec? Who needs the spec? Out the window! |
| 02:05 - 02:07 | Vaccinations? |
| 02:10 - 02:11 | The menstrual cycle? |
| 02:11 - 02:13 | Who gives a fuck? |
| 02:15 - 02:17 | Anyone who actually revised for this exam... |
| 02:17 - 02:20 | Wasted fucking hours of their life! |
| 02:21 - 02:28 | You can learn all the content you need to know for the paper in 5 fucking minutes! |
| 02:29 - 02:30 | 5 minutes? |
| 02:30 - 02:32 | 3 if you're a fast reader! |
| 02:36 - 02:39 | It was literally all interpreting graphs... |
| 02:40 - 02:42 | And looking at pictures of snails! |
| 02:50 - 02:55 | And then there was the question about genetically modified mosquitoes... |
| 02:56 - 02:58 | What was the deal with these mosquitoes? |
| 02:58 - 03:04 | I put genetic modification into the question to make them think they had an actual biology question |
| 03:04 - 03:09 | But it was just another 'how science works' question! |
| 03:09 - 03:11 | Another one! |
| 03:16 - 03:20 | And it was on ethical issues! |
| 03:23 - 03:26 | They could have just revised for Religious Studies! |
| 03:31 - 03:36 | Just wait till they see the chemistry and physics papers! |
