| 00:00 - 00:03 | In August we start off at home to Rotherham, |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | - then we're at Huddersfield, and then Preston away on the Tuesday - |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | - then after Fulham come to St.James's, we have Burton Albion away. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Doddsy's already trying to organise a mini-bus for us to get down there. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | But we'll have to be quick to get tickets because The Pirelli Stadium only holds 10,000. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | But, I don't understand. Why are we looking at going to Burton Albion? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | They aren't in the Premier League. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | We ballsed it up and got ourselves relegated again. |
| 00:34 - 00:38 | Sunderland beat Everton 3-0. It's mathematically impossible for us to catch them now. We're in the Championship again next season. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anybody in this room who wanted Alan Pardew sacked, go and take your faces for a shit... |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | We fucked it up AGAIN???!!!! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Fucking Sunderland fucked us over AGAIN???!!!! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Another fucking messiah fucks things up AGAIN???!!! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | "Rafa the Gaffa" they said. "He'll save us!" they said. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | How many fucking times have we heard THAT before? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Kinnear... Shearer... Hughton... Pardew... |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Even John fucking Carver! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | A bloke who looks like someone crossbred a potato with a fucking chimp! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein fuhrer, he had a successful spell at Toronto. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Fucking MLS, man! Stephen fucking Hawking could look good playing in that league! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein fuhrer. Rafa Benitez has a sterling reputation - |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | - As what?! As Benidorm's finest fucking tapas waiter?! |
| 01:53 - 01:56 | He fucked it up at Real Madrid! Even Stevie fucking Wonder could see that he would fail - |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | - at our fucking circus of a club! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | As if it wasn't embarrassing enough having the likes of Steve fucking Wraith - |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | - parading around with a fucking coffin outside the ground, |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | - we pin our hopes on a man who looks like he moonlights - |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | - as a stunt double for Rene off 'Allo 'Allo! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And Mike Ashley couldn't give a fuck, either! All he cares about is flogging his cheap fucking squash rackets! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | You all laughed at me ten years ago when I said we should never have hounded out Big Sam. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | "Ya just divvint undastand Adolf, man!" you all said. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | But Allardyce is the sort of man we needed in a relegation scrap. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Not some Spanish prick who looks like he's only turned up to do our tax return. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And who's laughing now, eh? |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Fucking Sunderland are laughing, that's who! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | "Always in our shadow," we tell ourselves, |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | But how the fuck can they be in our shadow when we can't even beat Aston fucking Villa? |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | A team so inept, they make the cast of Police Academy look fucking organised. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | But we made them look like fucking Brazil! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | "Divvint cry, pet. Brazil aren't even that good any more." |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I said this would happen the day they appointed McLaren. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | "Judge me after ten games." he said. |
| 03:25 - 03:27 | And we all knew what he was after ten games, didn't we? |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | A prick. With shit hair. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | We need new blood. A fresh start. Somebody young, with fresh ideas - |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | - somebody who has some sort of clue how to get us out of the shitty fucking Championship. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Does anybody have King Kev's phone number? |
