| 00:00 - 00:03 | Sir, I have some bad news |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | It's, erm... |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Not good at all. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Dmitri Payet's assists have breached our defences. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Twice. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | It's ok I have triple captained Costa. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | He's bound to score against a defence containing Kolo Toure. All is not lost. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | How can I say this? |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Diego Costa was ruled out by Ben Dinnery just minutes ago... |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | He won't play again this season. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who hasn't triple captained Andy Carroll please leave the room now... |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | How the fuck has this happened? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Wrighty fucking chose Nathan fucking Redmond over Riyad Mahrez... |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | in his wildcard and still he's going to beat me. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | And as for bloody Woods he took a 40 point hit the cheating swine. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | He's knocked me out the cup... |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | and now he's going to beat me too. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Shafty's fucking disappeared over the horizon... |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | And I was fucking copying his team! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But Sir, you could get Sadio Mane in and captain him against Palace. No one will suspect that. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Mane?!? Sadio fucking Mane?! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir... |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | That tardy tard is a worse troll than Trollkaku. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I'd rather captain Adrian and he's fucking injured. |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I paid £10 for a subscription this year to PEDs... |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | £10 fucking pounds! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | That was supposed to guarantee me a fucking top three spot! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I've checked that site every day... |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Done what it told me to fucking do... |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I've rated my team every fucking night and it scored top points. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | What in the name of fuck? |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Top three was nailed on... |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I thought I was going to win... |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Beat that smug Shangles to the title... |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Everyone would've been in awe. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | And now! I might even lose to Keir! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | It's totally fucked up. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Well I'm not going to give them the satisfaction... |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | of seeing them on the final day. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I'm going to say I've got a family engagement... |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Rob... please... you're waking Jack. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I was really looking forward to those craft beers. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I was going to drink them with the lads when I used my new BBQ for the first time. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | It's all over now. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I'll just have to drink cliched Beavertown beers instead. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | How did it come to this? |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | If Bowden finds out I'll never live it down... |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | OKay, I'm never going out again. |
