00:00 - 00:03 | guru's fans have started gathering outside the city |
00:04 - 00:05 | So far, they have shown up here |
00:05 - 00:07 | here, and here. |
00:08 - 00:12 | From what we can tell he is planning on releasing his new album to the public |
00:12 - 00:15 | and we are not prepared enough for the pandemonium that will follow . |
00:17 - 00:19 | bring the guru to me |
00:19 - 00:21 | We'll find out what he really wants |
00:24 - 00:26 | Sir... |
00:27 - 00:28 | we...... |
00:31 - 00:33 | we think he is organizing world domination |
00:34 - 00:36 | the gurulites are already queuing up outside "sound it out" |
00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who is planning on buying this record leave the room now |
01:13 - 01:15 | What the hell are they thinking? |
01:15 - 01:17 | releasing an album on vinyl only |
01:18 - 01:23 | no one has bloody record players anymore, it's all fucking digital these days |
01:25 - 01:28 | even the guru has a damm iphone himself |
01:29 - 01:31 | well, when it fucking works anyway |
01:31 - 01:34 | how the fuck am i meant to listen to the album? eh eh tell me.. |
01:34 - 01:37 | i'm not going out spending cash on a damn turntable |
01:37 - 01:40 | i chucked mine out in 1984 for fucks sake |
01:40 - 01:42 | but sir, i heard a preview of the album and its really good |
01:42 - 01:46 | i dont fucking care, i'm still not buying a fucking turntable |
01:46 - 01:48 | sir, you can come to my house and listen to it |
01:48 - 01:52 | shaft, i remember the last time i came to your house |
01:53 - 01:54 | you told me i had a cracking arse |
01:56 - 01:57 | and i already fucking knew that |
01:57 - 02:00 | you even told me it in cockney for fucks sake |
02:00 - 02:03 | anyway, enough of this shit, one of you will just have to rip it to MP3 for me |
02:04 - 02:08 | and then put it in my dropbox folder |
02:08 - 02:13 | yes thats right, i said fucking dropbox |
02:14 - 02:16 | i really need this album if its as good as its meant to be |
02:17 - 02:21 | i just want to stream it to all my devices via my wifi for easy listening pleasure |
02:27 - 02:29 | so, which one of you is willing to do this? |
02:30 - 02:34 | i'll even pay your bus fare to stockton |
02:34 - 02:36 | i know it's a shithole but someone has to go |
02:41 - 02:42 | and while your there... |
02:43 - 02:47 | pick me up a copy of sultans of swing on CD |
02:48 - 02:53 | they kept me a copy last week and its only £3.99 |
02:54 - 02:56 | it's a bloody bargain |
02:56 - 02:59 | they played it in the pub and it sounded great after 6 pints of guinness |
03:00 - 03:02 | go and tell anna that she can go to stockton for me |
03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay Anna, i'll come with you |
03:14 - 03:16 | if i dont own a copy of this the guru wont think i'm a true fan anymore |
03:19 - 03:23 | so i guess i will need a turntable after all |
03:25 - 03:26 | he's won |
03:31 - 03:33 | shaft, are you listening? |
03:40 - 03:46 | go to a car boot sale and see if you can find me a damn turntable that actually still works |
03:46 - 03:49 | a one where i wont have to put a coin on the sytlus to stop the record from skipping |
03:53 - 03:56 | there i have said it, guru has won. |