| 00:00 - 00:03 | Speaker Boehner has effectively shut down the US government |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We expect abandoned NASA spacecraft to land |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | here, here, and here. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Our sources say that he did this in order to prevent Obamacare from being implemented. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | His party is confident that they will victorious. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | This is good news. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Obamacare is as good as dead. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Obamacare... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Obamacare became a law |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | and is now being implemented. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who listens to NPR, leave the room now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | That prick! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | That orange-skinned, |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | spray-on-tanned, limp-dick-head needs |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | to cry more of his pathetic crocodile tears! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | He's powerless now! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | He is not fit to lick Sarah Palin's shoes |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | or the salty tracks of Glenn Beck's tears! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | He is a SPEAKING BONER |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, it's pronounced "bane-er" |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | He is a lame dick and you know it! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | But the Tea Party gave him no choice. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | They gave him a choice, all right: |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | The choice to prevent Obamacare |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | from being signed into law! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Was that too much to ask? |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | He totally failed! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | He is popping too many tanning pills! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | He needs to go back to pleasuring strangers on street corners |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | for pocket change! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | He could have had his people groveling before him like he was Stalin! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Does he not see that he has made |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | his entire party look like idiots? |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Mitch McConnell discussed "strategy" with Rand Paul |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | next to a microphone! |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Without making sure the fucking thing was not on! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | They no longer care how transparent their machinations are! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Newt Gingrich would have succeeded. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Now there was a man you could depend on! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | But this third-rate porn actor thinks... |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay Anna, your face was hidden. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | ... thinks he can stand in as a stunt-cock |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | when all he'll ever be is a fluffer in a scheiße video! |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | He has failed. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Obamacare will be implemented. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Socialism will follow, our investments will suffer, |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | and I will still have... |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | ... erectile dysfunction. |
