| 00:01 - 00:05 | My Fuhrer you are already aware that we have secured over 15,000 cans of Arizona Ice Tea |
| 00:05 - 00:11 | We have soldiers continuing to root through restaurants and convenience stores as we speak. |
| 00:10 - 00:15 | We are expected to reach 80,000 cans by the end of the month. |
| 00:16 - 00:20 | Good. When I heard Arizona Iced Tea was being discontinued I knew I had to obtain as much of it as possible. |
| 00:23 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer... |
| 00:26 - 00:29 | The message you shared... |
| 00:30 - 00:32 | It was confirmed that the company is not going out of business. |
| 00:32 - 00:35 | The rumour that went viral is false. |
| 00:50 - 00:55 | Anyone who is not passionate about the refreshing taste of Arizona Iced Tea, get out. |
| 01:09 - 01:12 | WHY WOULD THE INTERNET LIE TO ME? |
| 01:12 - 01:15 | I shared that message with all my followers! Now I look like an idiot! |
| 01:15 - 01:18 | I thought I was collecting the last cans of my favourite drink |
| 01:18 - 01:22 | and you're telling me I can still just buy one for a dollar?! |
| 01:24 - 01:27 | We must execute anyone who shared this misleading post. |
| 01:27 - 01:30 | I don't care if it was Aunt Fran, nobody will miss her "like and shares"! |
| 01:31 - 01:36 | Sharing a photo of a sick child isn't saving lives! It's insane! That bitch needs to check her facts! |
| 01:36 - 01:37 | The post was started by a fourteen-year-old boy in Australia |
| 01:38 - 01:39 | FIND HIM! |
| 01:38 - 01:41 | He'll drown in 4000 cans of fruit punch! |
| 01:41 - 01:44 | We can not arrest a minor in another country, only America has that power. |
| 01:44 - 01:45 | Can't arrest a minor, well shit! |
| 01:45 - 01:47 | What am I going to do with all this iced tea?? |
| 01:48 - 01:49 | And don't tell me I could just drink Nestea! |
| 01:51 - 01:53 | Nestea is piss! |
| 01:53 - 01:56 | Nestle provides free samples of formula to mothers in Africa |
| 01:56 - 01:59 | and then when they stop lactating they have to buy more or their children will die! |
| 01:59 - 02:04 | How could anyone do something that evil? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Now I will have 80,000 cans of Iced Tea! Do you know how much that's worth? |
| 02:08 - 02:11 | $80,000! |
| 02:11 - 02:14 | People are going to mock me. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | There goes Hitler, he bought all the Arizona. What a weirdo! |
| 02:21 - 02:23 | As If I don't have enough of a problem with public image! |
| 02:23 - 02:25 | I would bomb the Arizona factories |
| 02:25 - 02:27 | but I don't have any money for bombs |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | because I spent it all |
| 02:29 - 02:31 | on iced tea! |
| 02:34 - 02:35 | We'll have to change the labels |
| 02:36 - 02:41 | and resell it as Nazi Juice just to get our money back! |
| 02:42 - 02:46 | Where's my phone? Now I have to delete all of this off Facebook. |
| 02:45 - 02:48 | The reception down here is shit. |
| 02:49 - 02:52 | Is it my fault that I couldn't let another one of my favourite brands disappear? |
| 02:52 - 02:55 | I couldn't stand to see Arizona go the way of Hawaiian punch! |
| 02:56 - 03:00 | It's okay, Hawaiian punch is back on shelves now. |
| 03:06 - 03:08 | Facebook isn't loading. |
| 03:11 - 03:16 | The scientist could probably find some way to weaponize it. |
| 03:17 - 03:20 | We could have built a rocket. |
| 03:20 - 03:25 | How does this sound? |
| 03:30 - 03:36 | I'm sorry soldiers, no new boots this year but here's a delicious can of refreshment. |
| 03:37 - 03:40 | #HITLERFORPREZZIE |
| 03:44 - 03:46 | Someone get me a drink. |
