| 00:00 - 00:05 | Mr Cameron, we have the latest projections of the SDSR |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | The Navy can't operate inland so we won't need many Type 26 frigates |
| 00:12 - 00:16 | Good work. They'll have to organise their cocktail parties from somewhere cheaper. Tell them about Ritzy's in Lincoln. |
| 00:17 - 00:21 | They can put up some of that shit fucking bunting and have a portrait of Nelson's slag. What was her name? |
| 00:21 - 00:29 | I'm not sure you can call her that mein Fuhrer. She did have nice tits. |
| 00:30 - 00:35 | Mein Furher. The Royal Air Force could do with some maritime patrol aircraft. Like those ones you cancelled 5 years ago. |
| 00:36 - 00:40 | It's true Sir. We've got all these fat aircrew chiefs who are eating all the stores. |
| 00:46 - 00:52 | Mein Gott. I didn't sit through all those tedious COBRA meetings for this. |
| 00:52 - 00:55 | Listen to me. I've put up with Michael Gove all these years. STFU and listen. |
| 01:01 - 01:04 | Poulton. Stand still. |
| 01:13 - 01:20 | You bastards. The French. THE FRENCH are having at ISIS and what have we done? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Even that git out in the corridor has done something! |
| 01:28 - 01:32 | They're all a bit shit though. |
| 01:33 - 01:44 | We need to do something. Laser beams. An increase in VAT on heating fuel. Anything to show our allies that we are hard. |
| 01:45 - 01:50 | But EU rules forbid us from increasing VAT |
| 01:50 - 01:59 | Bullshit. George Osbourne will do anything I want him to. If he wants to be the next PM, he'll do what I fucking say. |
| 02:02 - 02:26 | <mumbles about Boris Johnson> |
| 02:28 - 02:37 | All I wanted was a quick little war. One that my own children didn't have to fight in, but one that would make me millions. |
| 02:41 - 02:49 | Just like Tony Blair had |
| 02:50 - 02:59 | Why didn't I marry Cherie Blair? She was a damn sight more useful than Sam. |
| 03:01 - 03:09 | She might be able to smile without scaring children but...I'd rather...oh God. It's too much. |
| 03:15 - 03:24 | I give in. Call Corbyn. We'll give him sandwiches and beer. Maybe a cheap laser pointer. He'll come round. |
| 03:30 - 03:35 | Mein Furher. Can we still watch X-Factor on Saturday? |
| 03:40 - 03:44 | No. You know that twat Cowell will just keep grinning like the Cheshire Cat. |
| 03:50 - 04:31 | It's over. Is Nigella on yet? |
