00:00 - 00:03 | Alright girls, Fantasy Football season is officially concluded... |
00:04 - 00:05 | ....and it's time to pay the piper. |
00:05 - 00:07 | I talllied up everyone's wins and losses... |
00:08 - 00:12 | ...trades, free agents moves...and once again, Hans wins. |
00:12 - 00:15 | He won the Super Bowl while executing the fewest moves. |
00:17 - 00:19 | I want to see the spreadsheet. |
00:19 - 00:21 | You fucked up. I won. |
00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer... |
00:27 - 00:28 | You won...but... |
00:31 - 00:33 | You won the Toilet Bowl. You came in last. |
00:34 - 00:36 | You lost every game. |
00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone out besides Hans, the owner of "Suck My Balls", Krebs, and Puto. |
01:13 - 01:15 | This is some BULLSHIT! |
01:15 - 01:17 | EVERY FUCKING YEAR, I GET HOSED! |
01:18 - 01:23 | I spend weeks studying every goddamned player... |
01:25 - 01:28 | ...listening to sports radio... |
01:29 - 01:31 | ...making MY WIFE QUIZ ME! |
01:31 - 01:34 | I even subscribed to shitty magazines like "S.S. FANTASY!" |
01:34 - 01:37 | The rest of you motherfuckers show up ill-prepared! |
01:37 - 01:40 | Hans is an HOUR late for the draft! Klaus borrows my magazine! |
01:40 - 01:42 | You drafted Michael Vick first...what did you expect? |
01:42 - 01:46 | Michael Vick was my quarterback when I won last time! |
01:46 - 01:48 | My Fuhrer, that was 10 years ago! Vick sucks now. |
01:48 - 01:52 | OK Mr. Know-It-All, who was your QB this year? That's what I thought! |
01:53 - 01:54 | Tom Brady! |
01:56 - 01:57 | He was drafted in the 6th round of the 2000 draft! |
01:57 - 02:00 | He's the luckiest QB to ever play the game! |
02:00 - 02:03 | I picked a QB who throws FAR and runs FAST! |
02:04 - 02:08 | I scored a ton of points this year! All of you had your best games against me! |
02:08 - 02:13 | I scored 100 points every week, you shit-holes! 100 points! |
02:14 - 02:16 | I CANNOT COME IN LAST. |
02:17 - 02:21 | ISN'T THAT LIKE $200 I'M GONNA HAVE TO PAY? SONOFABITCH! |
02:27 - 02:29 | I suppose there's a website fee too. |
02:30 - 02:34 | Of course there is. And I gotta kick in on the shitty pizza too. |
02:34 - 02:36 | I didn't even eat that crap. I hope you all get the shits! |
02:41 - 02:42 | This league sucks. |
02:43 - 02:47 | I swear to Christ I'm starting my own league next year! One with rules that make sense! |
02:48 - 02:53 | My wife is going to KILL me. I promised I wouldn't have to pay this year. |
02:54 - 02:56 | I have pay every year. Every fucking year. |
02:56 - 02:59 | Why do I do this to myself? I used to like American football! |
03:00 - 03:02 | And now on Sundays I stare at my phone and ignore my wife! |
03:04 - 03:07 | It's OK girl, you're on Pinterest all day too. |
03:14 - 03:16 | I just have to face it...I suck at fantasy football. |
03:19 - 03:23 | It's just...I mean I feel like I can win. I USED to be good. |
03:25 - 03:26 | But I'm not. |
03:31 - 03:33 | I'm broke. I get paid next week. |
03:40 - 03:46 | I know I say it every year, but this year I swear I'll send the money to Hans or whoever I owe. |
03:46 - 03:49 | My wife will probably be pissed, but I'll pay. |
03:53 - 03:56 | I'm not getting laid ever again. |