00:00 - 00:03 | Führer, pitchfork has just posted a news story. |
00:04 - 00:05 | In the story, Jonathan from DFA says LCD are NOT reuniting. |
00:05 - 00:07 | Consequence of Sound ran their story based on nothing but rumors and hearsay. |
00:08 - 00:12 | None of their sources had anything but vague ideas. |
00:12 - 00:15 | DFA Records have officially denied the story. |
00:17 - 00:19 | If the news leaked too early, this is what you would expect DFA Records to say. |
00:19 - 00:21 | I am still confident about this one. |
00:24 - 00:26 | Führer |
00:27 - 00:28 | How do I... |
00:31 - 00:33 | Kris from DFA has also denied. |
00:34 - 00:36 | He called those who believe the story "fucking idiots." |
00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone in the room who isn't part of the secret group on the Coachella forums, get out now. |
01:13 - 01:15 | You told me this was confirmed! By multiple sources! |
01:15 - 01:17 | Even suprefan believed it was happening! |
01:18 - 01:23 | No! I said. Why would we trust something that came from the Bonnaroo message boards? |
01:25 - 01:28 | You insisted that the guy "knew somebody at Governor's Ball." |
01:29 - 01:31 | I had already rented a condo in Palm Springs! |
01:31 - 01:34 | That deposit is non-refundable! |
01:34 - 01:37 | How am I going to break it to Goebbels that we aren't going to dance ourselves clean in the California desert? |
01:37 - 01:40 | With all our friends? |
01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Führer, there are more reliable rumors that Guns 'N Roses are getting back together. |
01:42 - 01:46 | Have you SEEN Axl Rose? In fact, you couldn't miss him. That's how fat he's become! |
01:46 - 01:48 | Führer, he could go on a diet. Lose weight. |
01:48 - 01:52 | Axl Rose is a washed-up has-been who's playing the reunion card in a desperate bid for relevance. |
01:53 - 01:54 | Nobody wants to see that! |
01:56 - 01:57 | Kids don't come to Coachella to see the bands their parents listened to grown old and fat. |
01:57 - 02:00 | They want the new hot shit! |
02:00 - 02:03 | The Weeknd! Bieber! Fucking Avicii!! |
02:04 - 02:08 | Even Big Sean would be acceptable! His new album is fire. |
02:08 - 02:13 | The last thing I want at my festival is a bunch of old men cashing a check! |
02:14 - 02:16 | Unless one of those old men is James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem! |
02:17 - 02:21 | All I want is to sweep Eva into a tender embrace as Pat starts tapping out the iconic backbeat of Someone Great! |
02:27 - 02:29 | James is the man who wrote North American Scum. |
02:30 - 02:34 | Only he understands the challenges I've faced from those Americans. |
02:34 - 02:36 | And the nature of this war. |
02:41 - 02:42 | He understands ME! |
02:43 - 02:47 | And instead we're stuck with Axl wiping the sweat off his brow as he tries to wheeze his way through some shit from like, Use Your Illusion II. |
02:48 - 02:53 | Or even worse, The Spaghetti Incident! The Spaghetti Incident! |
02:54 - 02:56 | Meanwhile James will keep trying to make coffee or some shit. |
02:56 - 02:59 | As if anyone wants to drink his weak-ass brew instead of getting a new Nike mix. |
03:00 - 03:02 | And don't even get me started on that bullshit with the subway turnstiles! |
03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay. Daft Punk is definitely playing. |
03:14 - 03:16 | I want you to take my pre-sale tickets and put them on craigslist. |
03:19 - 03:23 | Try to make a profit, but do what you have to to get rid of them. |
03:25 - 03:26 | Coachella is dead to me now. |
03:31 - 03:33 | Sasquatch...Meh. |
03:40 - 03:46 | I'll see who they get to headline Bonnaroo, I guess. If I must. |
03:46 - 03:49 | But I don't want to hang out with a bunch of fucking hippies. |
03:53 - 03:56 | That's not Hitler's scene. |