| 00:01 - 00:07 | Herro and welcome to the week 5 Burkitt Place Balls update. I'm host Young Suk-dong. What an exciting week of fake football! |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | 3.67 Finger Discount was handily defeated by Open Team |
| 00:13 - 00:17 | Open Team...what a homosex team name! |
| 00:18 - 00:24 | Round Mound beat Hard Luck like he a bitch and owe money |
| 00:24 - 00:30 | Lacy brought shame on his entire family by |
| 00:31 - 00:38 | being defeated by Big Wool Mamouth |
| 00:39 - 00:46 | Pulling Pork pulled one out of ass by beating The Dirty Sanchize |
| 00:47 - 00:52 | I've seen better coaching by Tennesse in the 4th quarter! |
