| 00:00 - 00:03 | It looks like BART will go on strike tomorrow |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | They're talking about shutting down |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | the entire network |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | You have to pick up your dry cleaning at 4th & Mission |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | and afterwards, you are supposed to meet Eva at Gary Danko's |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | That's ok - I'll take the car |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | over the Bay Bridge |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The bridge... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The bridge will see delays of up to 2 hours |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | The toll booths will be utter chaos |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone with mobile devices... iPhone, Android, tablets, get out now |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the hell are they thinking? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Don't they know how I hate sitting in traffic? |
| 01:18 - 01:20 | With nobody to shout at |
| 01:21 - 01:24 | or tell my jokes to? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Who do they think they're dealing with here? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | They've lost their minds! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Remember what happened on July 1st |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Hours spent alone in my car! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | I didn't even have time to get my cinnamon bagel! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, BART employees haven't had a raise in four years |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Is that any reason to completely ruin my morning? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, they just don't want to pay for their pensions |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | What about my pension? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I aged years last time |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Getting up at 5am |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Standing in the ferry lines freezing my balls off |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Queuing for goddamn buses in Oakland |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | It was like trying to get some action from that frumpy brunette outside! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I even tried using apps like Uber, Sidecar and Lyft |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | They cost me just as much as a taxi! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Sixty bucks to get to work and who picks me up but Stalin! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I heard he got arrested at the airport |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I can't handle another morning, a morning of gridlocked traffic |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Sitting there like a turkey |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And the carpool lane... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Cars full of people flying past, and not a thought for poor Adolf |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Some fancy smartphone app they all downloaded! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | I don't have a damn smartphone |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Not since I sent those dirty pictures to Anna |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I wasn't pulling a Weiner, it was the Christmas Party! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay Anna, he sent them to me aswell |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I must cross that damn bridge |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I could try Carma but I just got one-star ratings last time |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | One of you... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | One of you could carpool with me |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Then we can tell jokes and go for cinnamon bagels together |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Maybe even some orange mocha lattes |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | No-one wants to carpool with me |
