00:00 - 00:03So, senior partner, I suggest we redraw
00:04 - 00:05the practice boundary map with a
00:05 - 00:07little circle around each nursing home
00:08 - 00:12thus excluding the complex geriatrics.
00:12 - 00:15Let the high-demand crumblies register at Westgate.
00:17 - 00:19Circles, I like it. How many
00:19 - 00:21applicants for our partnership vacancy?
00:24 - 00:26Approximately...
00:27 - 00:28bugger all...
00:31 - 00:33We had one applicant but he
00:34 - 00:36went to a job in Wagga Wagga, Australia.
00:53 - 00:58Everyone except the partners leave this room.
01:13 - 01:15I don't fucking believe it!
01:15 - 01:17I hope he gets bitten by a redback
01:18 - 01:23when he's sitting on the dunny.
01:25 - 01:28Why is everyone quitting GP?
01:29 - 01:31Just because the Daily Mail says we're crap,
01:31 - 01:34we've had a 14% real terms pay cut,
01:34 - 01:37CQC inspections, GMC over-regulation,
01:37 - 01:40Is that a reason to quit?
01:40 - 01:42We tried to bribe him with a RCGP colouring book
01:42 - 01:46The sodding Australians are offering £250K and better cricket
01:46 - 01:48I told him Jeremy Hunt will fix things
01:48 - 01:52Hunt? He needs more than this rectal thermometer shoved up him
01:53 - 01:54I'd like to give him a colonoscopy
01:56 - 01:57with a flamethrower
01:57 - 02:00but his pants are already on fire
02:00 - 02:03Why is he pissing off the junior doctors?
02:04 - 02:08Does he have shares in fucking Qantas?
02:08 - 02:13He's the biggest disaster to hit the NHS
02:14 - 02:16since the time I mistook capsaicin cream for KY jelly.
02:17 - 02:21He promised us 5000 more GPs but he's purging us like Stalin
02:27 - 02:29We can't even get a nurse practitioner
02:30 - 02:34because he scrapped nursing bursaries
02:34 - 02:36and as for nurses from the EU, forget it.
02:41 - 02:42We're buggered. We'll have to fold.
02:43 - 02:47Twenty years I've slaved in this practice.
02:48 - 02:53My patient feedback is good...maybe just a trifle authoritarian...
02:54 - 02:56That's it then. We go under
02:56 - 02:59and the Board can try and run the place
03:00 - 03:02with locums on £830 a day
03:04 - 03:07The partners will sell their houses to pay you redundancy.
03:14 - 03:16I wish I'd been a dentist
03:19 - 03:237 hour days and a quick minor op
03:25 - 03:26earns you £2K
03:31 - 03:33instead of £40.
03:40 - 03:46I give up. Phone the visa section at Australia House and the Qantas ticket office
03:46 - 03:49and get me some sun cream
03:53 - 03:56and make sure it's not capsaicin.