00:00 - 00:05 | Bang on the door. It's Chads. "Come on in my friend." |
00:05 - 00:07 | "I heard you won 'Nearest the Pin' on Saturday. Good lad!" |
00:07 - 00:10 | He looks fucking furious. |
00:11 - 00:16 | Pacing about, chewing his fingernails. Something's wrong. Then he tells me... |
00:17 - 00:21 | "I've challenged the four-eyed fucker to a boxing match." |
00:21 - 00:24 | You believe that shit! |
00:26 - 00:28 | (Crying) |
00:29 - 00:31 | No shit! |
00:31 - 00:34 | Those two! In the ring! Fuck me sideways! |
00:38 - 00:40 | I've seen the fucking lot! |
00:41 - 00:47 | When they come together it'll be like two worlds colliding! |
00:47 - 00:50 | Chads will insist on Scags taking his glasses off before twatting him! |
00:50 - 00:56 | Scags will want to bite his fucking ears off! |
00:58 - 00:59 | They'll be able to charge 50 fucking notes on pay-per-view |
00:59 - 01:01 | Best money they'll ever spend! |
01:04 - 01:06 | They'll be fucking hopeless. |
01:06 - 01:08 | I can't wait! |
01:13 - 01:14 | What a shower of shit! |
01:14 - 01:16 | What are they going to do? Tickle each other to death? |
01:16 - 01:20 | Best news I've heard all year! |
01:21 - 01:27 | Fucking hell. Greg will piss his pants with joy when he hears this! |
01:35 - 01:36 | Scags will turn up with his briefcase |
01:36 - 01:39 | with his shorts folded inside. |
01:41 - 01:44 | But seriously. I'm worried. |
01:44 - 01:47 | These two might fucking kill each other! |
01:47 - 01:49 | Especially because Scags can't see shit! |
01:50 - 01:53 | Fuck it. May the best man win! |
01:54 - 01:56 | They'll be coming from |
01:56 - 01:58 | far and wide to see this! |
01:58 - 02:02 | And when it's done and they're both carried out, everyone will turn to each other and say: "That was shit!" |
02:05 - 02:07 | It'll be carnage! |
02:10 - 02:11 | And Scags... |
02:11 - 02:13 | And Scags... |
02:15 - 02:17 | And Scags will be scrambling around picking his teeth off the floor! |
02:17 - 02:20 | While Chads will have been torn a new arsehole! |
02:21 - 02:28 | The crowd will be going wild, demanding a rematch and throwing chairs! |
02:29 - 02:30 | "At them or each other?" |
02:30 - 02:32 | "At those two dumbfucks!" |
02:36 - 02:39 | It'll be the greatest show on earth! |
02:40 - 02:42 | Those two! Jesus Christ almighty. |
02:50 - 02:55 | This is a guy who once shit in a phonebox... |
02:56 - 02:58 | "What about Scags?" |
02:58 - 03:04 | He doesn't know his arsehole from his elbow. He think he's the Muhammad Ali of Barnsley... |
03:04 - 03:09 | but Chads will probably spark him clean out. |
03:09 - 03:11 | Fucking claret everywhere. |
03:16 - 03:20 | Fancy a ticket? |
03:23 - 03:26 | Nothing but front row for my ass! |
03:31 - 03:36 | I'll see you in the bookies before it all goes down. |