| 00:00 - 00:03 | The pre-season tour as you know Sir is in Germany |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We will start with games against Berlin, and train |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Here and go for other sessions here |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Early reports are that Sam will play a mixed side of youth and experience |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | With one last game against a strong side |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | As long as Carlton Cole is playing I don't mind |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | He's who I've come to see play |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Carlton... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Carlton Cole was released by West Ham |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Big Sam does not see him in the plans for next season |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone that prefer's Vaz Ta, Nolan and Jarvis please leave the room |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the hell are they thinking? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | He's the best thing since sliced bread |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Who will we hoof it upto now for fucks sake |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Carlton Cole is a black jesus, he's a one man battering ram |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | We are completely fucked, |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Fat Sam couldn't manage a semi |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And as for Karen Bradey the orange faced lemon sucking caant |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Who are we gonna play upfront now? Ricardo Vaz Tea? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, he's got great potential. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | SO DID FREDDIE SEARS FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir,the fans demand that we make big signings |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | WHAT'S WRONG WITH KEVIN NOLAN? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | With his stupid chicken dance celebration |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | The same shit different season!! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Carlton Cole can be as good as Pele ffs |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Now we have to rely on trying to get that half man half pony Andy Carroll |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Who wants to play at Upton Dump |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Fat Sam's turned this club around |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Now I have to watch Carlton leave the club! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Now Tottenham will laugh at us again, we are a joke club who blow fucking bubbles |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | How will we keep our pikey fans happy? |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Kids for a fucking quid? those kids are being punished |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Now their hero Carlton Cole is being marched out the club |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I've had it with West Ham |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Going up and down like Karren Bradey on Alan Sugars cock!!! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I can't expect the pikey cunts to turn up every week just to watch us hoof it up the pitch |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Yeah. That'll work. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Smash it 60 feet into the sky for the Geordie Horse to try and get |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I might just as well sign Adebayor |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, we're not that desperate |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Just wait till we move into the Olympic Stadium |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I'll have to invest in binoculars and cardboard cut out fans |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Playing cheers over the sound system |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Watch as a great club falls to peices |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Carlton's first touch will be missed as much as his 2nd touch |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | There's only one thing I can do to replace Carlton Cole |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Get me Kevin Davies mobile number |
