hilter trial ad
230 views • 5/23/2013
| 00:00 - 00:03 | Dean, our mock trial at the AAJ competition has done very well |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | They made the final four |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | after trouncing U of I, John Marshall, and Notre Dame |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | They were seeded in the final four and faced our arch rival |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Chicago-Kent |
| 00:17 - 00:21 | Good. We finally beat those bastards from Kent |
| 00:21 - 00:25 | I'm sick of having to look at Krent's smiling face after every competition |
| 00:25 - 00:26 | Uh... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | actually... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | We didn't beat them |
| 00:34 - 00:40 | In fact, they shut us out and won all three Judge's ballots |
| 00:53 - 01:01 | Anyone who cannot walk away from a podium in a courtroom without pissing themselves, leave the room now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | How do we fuck this up YEAR AFTER YEAR! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | It's like Goddamn Groundhog day! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | That fucking Erickson and his band of misfit toys he calls coaches! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | They're not normal! They're not human! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | They must have no lives! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Caputo, Firnstein, Lavin, Sudendorf, Truesdale, Fudokos, Clark |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Carlasare, Jones, Sinnen, Prochaska, Northcutt, Velez, Llewellyn |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Clark, Medrano, Casey, Wojcicki, Lucafo, Molesky, Taylor |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | We hear that Caputo's coaching methods would make the Gestapo cry like little girls |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | And Lavin threatens to kill the coaches! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | I didn't know he threatened to kill Kent's coaches. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | No you idiot! He threats to kill Northwestern's coaches! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Carlasare... |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | ...he came out of nowhere. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Like he's the bastard love child of Keya Rajput and Josh Jones |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | He intimidates robots. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Josh Jones won four national championships!! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | So much for WHITE SUPREMACY! |
| 02:14 - 02:18 | And Rachel Remke - the picture of Aryan perfection...blonde hair, blue eyes, brilliant! |
| 02:18 - 02:23 | But Rachel betrayed us and went to Kent and her bitch sister Jessica went to medical school! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | And don't forget last year... |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | We sent our national championship team against some unknown three headed monster |
| 02:34 - 02:38 | named Gephardt, Wilson, and Widell |
| 02:41 - 02:44 | And they knocked us out of the competition! |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Isn't Gephardt from fucking Alaska!?! Why couldn't we have gone against Palin instead?! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | We have tried everything to beat them...HGH, Steroids, Blood-thining, changing the facts... |
| 02:54 - 02:57 | ...hiding the facts, inventing exhibits... |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | having friends judge the competition! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Nothing ever seems to work! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay, at least we can see the lake from our campus. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | They just keep churning out such talented kids. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | And more and more victories. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | It's over. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | What else can we do? |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | This is just humiliating... |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I fear if they ever build that second courtroom... |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | We may never beat them again. |
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