| 00:00 - 00:02 | Good evening Softlad |
| 00:03 - 00:05 | As you can see...you and Pearson were only behind by a few points going into the last gameweek |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Tevez and Mata were our main differentials along with Lukaku |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | You needed one of them to score big, especially with Joycey benching Lukaku |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | However, after Sturridge's hattrick last week he looked almost essential |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Captaining Sturridge was a no brainer |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and Kevin Nolan was never going to get anything after just 7 goals all season |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | He... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | He scored a perfect hattrick |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Sturridge failed to even register a shot on target against Rob Green |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | All those who advised me to keep Tevez leave the room now, bring back crisps and protein shakes |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I am f*cking sick of this season |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Every f*cking punt has failed me |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Even bloody Bale scored at home for f*ck sake |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | And Adkin's f*cking fledglings can't even keep out The Passenger |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | This is a f*cking outrage |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | What's worse is I ordered Champagne when I saw Romelu score |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | The big black beauty had me jumping |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | I even called my mum to tell the good news |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, you're still looking good at a respectable third place finish |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I don't give two fucks about my rank now, I've lost to bloody Essex, so many times they have taken the piss |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, many people have been taken apart by the Essex |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Goddamit, Essex are my mortal enemy...to finish below them is the ultimate shame |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Even worse than finishing below my Aunt |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | You Pearson.. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | We will both have to open our f*cking wallets |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | And watch Essex drink champagne out of f*cking crystal!! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | You let this f*cking happen by getting rid of Lukaku |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | You even stuck with that sh*t Kone up front and captained Sturridge as well! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | F*cking Sturridge! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Whilst players like Bale and Nolan were scoring for f*cking fun |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | And then slowly |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | You and I realised we will be getting abuse for the whole of next year |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | How can I show my face on WhatsApp ever again?? |
| 02:40 - 02:42 | What will I say? |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I cant even stomach the thought of seeing them in Manchester |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Let alone live with the thought that I'm in the same city as them |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | I'm going to ignore them |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | In fact, I won't even say congratulations |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Just hope they f*ck off, I've had enough of this sh*t |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay dear, there's always next year |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I'm going to keep quiet until I can bare the shame |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I think I'll just sneak on WhatsApp and read what they're saying |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | B*astards |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Time to start saving |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | and start forgetting about Nathan Dyer as captain |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I don't even know what I was thinking |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Call my accountant |
