| 00:00 - 00:03 | I've lined up comedy spots for you |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | at the best venues in Glasgow |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | "the Halt", "the State" and "the Ivory" |
| 00:08 - 01:21 | It's just a 5 spot |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | but its a start |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | what about "the Stand"? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | When do I play there? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | They... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | They have a 9 month waiting list |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | and they ignore our emails |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone leave unless you have played "the Stand!" |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Why am I not playing RedRaw? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Every Tom, Dick and Harry Hill has played it! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I've passed a comedy course! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I have 17 followers on twitter! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I've changed my facebook profile pic so that I'm holding a mic |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I have my own website hitlercomedian.com |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | So why am I not playing it? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, you're not funny! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | KNOCK! KNOCK! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Who's there? |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | The SS to take you to a concentration camp! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Why are you not laughing? |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | That's my closer! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | I've entered scottish comedian of the year |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | and you'd better all turn up and vote for me |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I should be bigger than Kevin Bridges! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I'm a German Frankie Boyle! Listen to this- |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Good evening my names hitler |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | and I look a fat charlie chaplin |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Thats my opener |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I then go on to talk about how Austria isn't like germany |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Its comedy gold and I'm digging for laughs. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | and don't get me started on Henning Wehn |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | with his comedy german accent |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | and his radio show, and TV work |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | That should be me |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I should be on celebrity juice |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | kelly brook should be Mrs Hitler! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't cry! Tears mess up the carpet. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I quit |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Whats the point? |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I'll concentrate on writing my sitcom |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I'll call it "only fuhrers and hitlers" |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | "this time next year - herr rodney |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | we will be millionaires!" |
